


The Silence Is Loud

by CiCiIvory



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Friendship, Genderbending, Genderswap, M/M, Multi, Nyotalia, Parenthood, Religious Content, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-06 15:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/420637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CiCiIvory/pseuds/CiCiIvory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even after six years of a committed relationship, Lukas and Mathilde couldn't quite grasp the fact they were going to be parents in eight months. Mathilde is afraid she's not going to be a good mother or if they can even support it, but she wants to keep the baby. Lukas is unsure on how to feel, but refuses to force her into a decision she'll regret. Can they find common ground amongst conflicting opinions and fear for their child?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mathilde Densen - Fem!Denmark  
> Lukas Thomassen - Norway  
> Emil Steilsson - Iceland

** The Silence Is Loud **  
_Discovery_

 

"Are you sure you're alright?" a voice called from outside the bathroom, and she sighed, resting her head into her arms. "I can cover the classes, you know. It's not like it's ballet or Pointe. It's jazz, hip hop, and Zumba. And we aren't learning routines yet so–."

 

"Emil _, please_ ," the shorthaired blonde mutter, frowning against her pale skin and resisting the urge to hurl again. It was no use, and she groaned in pain. It wasn't like she had eaten anything today – she had no appetite – and it wasn't as if she had been hangover most of the day, either. Why she had suddenly come down with a stomach virus was beyond her. "I'm fine." She gurgled that last statement after vomiting practically water and soda.

 

"That sounded attractive." She could see his smug grin and violet eyes rolling. "Luke is lucky I'm gay or I'd snatch you away all for myself." When she could finally stand up on her own she grabbed her bottle of water and began to rinse out her mouth. Washing her hands, she turned off the lights and opened the door. Usually, it was just them there because she always wanted to work on things before class started.

 

"How are you, Mathilde?" the silver haired boy asked, flipping through his textbook and looked up. "You look like hell. You sound like hell. If you're going to vomit half the night, then please go home. I told you I can cover your classes. I assist hip hop, anyway." She rolled her eyes and made her way into the office. Slamming his book shut, he followed in suit of the dirty blonde. "Now Mathilde, don't be like that."

 

"I've been sick for days. It's usually just in the morning, but sometimes..."

 

"Just in the morning?" Emil quirked a pale eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Please, Mathilde, restate that in your head and think about the possibilities for _morning sickness_." Mathilde thought, running a hand through her short hair.

 

And she thought…

 

And thought…

 

And then…

 

"Oh no." She bit her lip and tossed Emil her lesson notebook. "Here," she said. "The one with the pink sticky note is today's classes." Grabbing her coat and keys, she rushed out of the studio and to her car.

 

*** * ***

 

"Aren't you home early, Mathilde?" examining her pale apperance, he frowned. The platinum blond was starting to really worry about this stomach flu ordeal going on. "Mathilde?" crossing his arms, he said, "If you don't answer me I swear I'm gonna..."

 

"I couldn't wait…" she mumbled, and then pulled from her purse a plastic bag. "I just had to know. I just had to." She walked over to the taller man, handing him the bag and then walking into the kitchen. He examined the contents of the bag and frowned.

 

He was greeted by five different kinds of sticks, each of them agreeing with the other. He saw a pink plus, two pink lines, the word spelt out in front of him, a fucking _smiley_ face, and another plus sign, this time in big bold black print.

 

Reentering from the kitchen, she began to peel the banana and looked over to see his reaction. However, her boyfriend was _extremely_ good at keep his emotions under wrap and his blank expression told her nothing.

 

"So," he cleared his throat. "Are you sure? I mean…"

 

"Five different tests – because that was all my pocket money could get me – says yes. I'm pretty fucking sure." He watched her bite the fruit like it was about to shank her and he felt uneasy. "Now the better question is what are we going to do?"

 

"I want to have an actual doctor confirm it."

 

"Look, I worked everything out in the car," Mathilde grabbed her planner and opened it. "Today is the second of June, correct?" Lukas nodded, cobalt eyes on the markings made on the calendar. "Okay, since I was young and my mom had me on the pill, my period always came the first of the month. It has never been off."

 

Flipping back, she pointed to the first of May, and said, "Usually, it lasts about six or seven days." She moved her finger to May 7th and May 8th. "Now, I was in Minnesota until May 10th, so that eliminates two days where we had sex. However, my fertility window was May 11th."

 

Lukas bit his lip. He never understood how girls knew these things or how they remembered these details, but he assumed it was just so they knew when it was coming and who to take their bitchiness out on.

 

"We had sex…" she tapped her chin. "May 11th, May 15th, and May 16th for sure."

 

"May 19th,” he added, pointing to the Tuesday. "I also think we may have May 21st, but I don’t remember."

 

"The twenty-first was the last day of my fertility window." She ran her finger over the paper and began to count. "And I started having symptoms last week. So any of those days could be a possible conception date."

 

Lukas frowned again and said, "Okay, so," he paused. "Mathilde, this is all _very_ convincing, but…"

 

"You still want the doctor to confirm it."

 

"Yes! Not that I don't trust that you _don't_ know your body…" he rubbed the back of his head. "It's just… I don't know… and if you _are_ pregnant, then it would be best to talk to a doctor about it."

 

"Why are you so determined to say I'm _not_ pregnant?" she hissed, crossing her arms. "I mean, I'm _just_ as worried as you are."

 

"I don't mean it like that." She rolled her eyes and he sighed, wrapping his arms around her waist, saying, "We're going to the doctor tomorrow. I'll call and make an appointment. Then, after that, we can decide what we _want_ to do about it."

 

Pushing him off of her, she said, "I’m going to bed. Good night, Lukas." He watched her walk away and heard a loud slam to indicate she was in bed and she was in no mood to play games. Confused as to what he did _exactly_ , he ignored it and made the appointment before entering the bedroom.

 

"You’re appointment is at three."

 

"Thanks." She tossed the pillow at him and threw the quilt over at him as well. "Now get out." He frowned, making sure it was big enough that she saw his displeasure and he closed the door.

 

"What did I _do_?"

 

He really hoped it was just PMS and not pregnancy. He might not be able to last nine months with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An anon on Tumblr prompted me with "Nor and Fem!Den are in a loving relationship when fem!den finds out she's pregnant. Den thinks she wont be a good mother but secretly wants to keep it. Nor wants it but doesn't want to force her. How does it turn out?"
> 
> Well hell. I thought, "That would make a hilarious comedy / drama fic, I bet." I'm fuel by Tina Dickow (an amazing Danish singer, by the way) and the title is taken from a part in her song, "Craftsmanship and Poetry." So yeah. Enjoy.
> 
> Heights are from what I've researched. Iceland would be about 5'11.5'' and Norway would be 5'10.5'' (how does that make you feel, Norge?). I couldn't find an exact measurement for Danish women, but I did see 5'5.7'' floating around somewhere (also about the average height for Swedish women). I might have to cheat when I bring Thailand in. The average height for men in Thailand is about 5'5.9'' which would barely make him taller than Fem!Den and Fem!Sve. Oh Thailand, you and your short people (coincidentally, I watched this documentary about a Thai girl who broke the record by like, barely an inch for the tallest woman)... I'm just gonna shut up now.
> 
> Enjoy.


	2. Options

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now with a baby on the way, the fear sets in that they will not be great parents. Mathilde's unsure on what she wants and what Lukas wants, and visits some friends for advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiettisuk "Kiet" Sripuy - Thailand

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Options_

 

“Congratulations!” the doctor smiled and gave the Norwegian man a pat on the shoulder. “Someone’s gonna be a daddy.” Mathilde looked down at the ground and frowned. “I guess your due date would be the fifth of February in 2013!”

 

Lukas frowned and crossed his arms, unsure of how to respond. The black haired female watched as the couple exchanged unreadable glances. “Now, I guess I should prep you for what’s going to come.” Mathilde sat up and placed a hand on her still flat stomach. Lukas shifted his glasses and the doctor handed him a pamphlet.

 

“My estimated guess is the baby was conceived on the fifteenth of May,” she began. “Or maybe the sixteenth. Anyway, you’re almost five weeks along, just out of the first month!” Mathilde looked like she was going to cry. The Norwegian’s hard glare softened when he saw his girlfriend gnaw at her bottom lip.

 

“Now,” the doctor began. “No alcohol, caffeine, or any of those fake sweeteners.” Mathilde made a sound that was almost like a choked sobbed and something that walking carpet in those sci-fi movies made. “The pamphlet I gave your husband has a list of things you should avoid and that you should do. I advise taking vitamins.”

 

“I wouldn’t advice contact sports, gymnastics, running, bicycling…” She looked over and saw that the Danish woman was about to scream. “Is something wrong, Miss Densen?” She shook her head and stood up.

 

“I need to go.” She opened the door, walking out. Lukas apologized and ran out after her.

 

“Dammit, Thilde,” he hissed, grabbing her arm as he sprinted after her. “You can’t just do that, you know.” She shook him off and walked outside. “Mathilde!” he shouted, walking after her. “Would you _please_ just tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“I can’t _be_ a mother!” she screamed, her voice cracking and tears staining her face. “I’m not maternal. I’m not a lady. We aren’t financially secure and–!”

 

“I don’t see why you _couldn’t_.”

 

“Lukas,” she screamed, wiping her cheek with her wrist. “Look, let’s just be honest. I’m not parental by default. And I’m afraid I’ll never learn.”

 

He got quiet, and looked down at the ground. “Then do what you have to.”

 

“But what do you want to do about it?” she asked, crossing her arms.

 

“I don’t care,” he muttered, walking towards their car. “Do whatever makes you happy.” She yanked opened the passenger door and slid in, watching him start the car and back out. She was getting really frustrated at the moment. Why couldn’t he _ever_ make up his mind?

 

“Do you even _want_ the baby?”

 

“Do what makes you happy,” he restated, clenching the steering wheel, turning his already white knuckles a ghostly color. “I really _don’t_ care.”

 

“So,” she began, her voice cold and shallow. “You don’t care about _your_ child.” He began to grit his teeth and came to a halt at the stoplight. “So you wouldn’t care if I got _rid_ of it.”

 

“You know where I stand with abortion, Mathilde.” He was trying so hard to contain his anger. His face was slightly red in color. “You know I’d rather have you give it up for adoption or something.”

 

“But it’s whatever makes _me_ happy, right?”

 

“Yes,” he said in a way that made her blood run cold. “But I’d hope you’d have _some_ moral to your decision.”

 

“So, I can do whatever makes me happy so long as it’s not abortion?” she started in again, crossing her arms. “Even if I leave it in a dumpster after I leave the hospital or…” He growled, and she stopped. “People who are highly against abortion don’t seem to care about what happens to the baby afterwards, you know.”

 

“I’m surprised _you_ even considered it!” he shouted, glaring at her. “You of all people!” She gasped, and reached over and grabbed the steering wheel. “Dammit, Mathilde I–!”

 

“Eyes on the road!” she shouted and pulled them back into their lane. “You’d be accountable for _three_ deaths now, just so you know.” He sighed and the conversation came to an abrupt end. She laid her head against the window, absently rubbing her stomach. A million questions raced through her head at that moment, and with her boyfriend being indecisive, she decided she needed a second opinion.

 

*** * ***

 

“Hey, Mathilde! How are you?” the Thai looked up from the table and smiled, his hand continuing to finish the notes he was taking. “Emil told me you had the flu.”

 

“It wasn’t the flu,” she sighed, and Emil slammed a glass of water down in front of her. Quirking an eyebrow, she didn’t question and Emil went back to washing the dishes. “Sorry for dropping in like this, but I needed some advice…”

 

“What’s up?” Emil asked, furiously scrubbing the bowl in his hand. Kiet hummed and tilted his head, setting his pen down. Golden eyes studied her and she sighed, unsure of how to continue. “So was I right or…?”

 

“I’m due in February.” The silver haired male turned around and bit his lip. “I had my first appointment today and I’m pretty sure I’m not fit to be a mother. I asked Lukas what he wanted to do but he doesn’t seem to really care.”

 

“I’m sure he does,” the black haired male said, patting her arm. “He’s just unsure of how to react too.”

 

“Well, he said I could do whatever I wanted… except abort the baby.” Emil rolled his eyes and Kiet adjusted his glasses. “Which seems hypocritical to me but whatever.”

 

“But why _would_ you abort the baby?” Emil asked, crossing his arms. “Isn’t it highly against our religion?” Kiet shrugged and looked over at Mathilde, who took note of the younger male’s vile tone.

 

“Honestly, it’s your body and it’s your choice,” Kiet began, trying to sound as pleasant as possible. “How far along are you, Mathilde?”

 

“Five weeks sometime this week.” She sighed and looked down at the table. Emil shot his boyfriend a dirty look and she continued, “And religion, smigion. I’ve never been a strong member of the church. I only go because Lukas wants to.”

 

“Try being an Atheist and going.” Kiet shot his boyfriend a death glare. “A _gay_ Atheist.” Emil rolled his eyes and took a seat next to the Dane. She had always figured the couple tended to argue about this subject.

 

“At five weeks it has a heart!”

 

“Yes, but Emil,” Kiet rolled his eyes. “Please try to consider that Mathilde actually has a choice.”

 

“Why don’t you give it up for adoption?” Emil asked, trying to cool himself down and suggest something else. “I’m sure someone would want the baby.”

 

“That’s the other option. Just sign it over to the hospital after I give birth…”

 

“But do you want to get rid of it?” Kiet asked, tilting his head. “I mean, here we are talking about abortion and adoption, but what do _you_ want?” It got quiet, and she bit her lip, drawing blood. She looked over at the Thai, then back at the Icelander.

 

“I want to keep it…” she mumbled, resting her head in her hand. “But I’d be a horrible mother. Plus, I don’t want to give it up for adoption because it would kill me that somewhere in the world, my child is out there…”

 

“Why can’t we adopt it?” Emil asked, looking at his boyfriend.

 

“It’d be even harder to watch them grow up with someone else, especially someone I’m close to.”

 

“Besides,” Kiet chimed in. “You know the hospital wouldn’t let _us_ have her…”

 

“And whose fault is that?”

 

Mathilde immediately felt awkward. “Let’s not discuss this _now_. Not when we have guests.” Kiet turned and offered her an apologetic smile before the Icelander stood up, slamming her chair against the table. “Emil.”

 

“I’m going to go do some shit.” He left the room and Mathilde sent the Thai a questioning glance.

 

“He’s a little upset today,” the Asian said, grabbing a can of soda and opening it. “We filled out applications for about five different adoption agencies and we just got two rejection letters back.” He sighed and took a sip.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Not like it’s your fault,” he muttered. “It was two of the three American ones we applied to. Anyway, one wouldn’t take us because we’re gay, and the other one got to the background check and…” Mathilde clicked her tongue and nodded.

 

“You’d think having a parent that came from a similar environment would be best for the kid.”

 

“Well, obviously they don’t care what happens to the kids as long as they go to a heterosexual home with parents who apparently have a clean background.”

 

Mathilde could sense the bitterness in that statement and looked around the kitchen. “Kiet, what should I do? I don’t think Lukas wants the baby.”

 

“You need to talk to him.” The golden eyed Thai watched her stand up and pace.

 

“But I tried! He won’t give me an answer!” she yelled. “I really… kind of… want to keep it…” The realization hit her harder than she expected. In eight months, she would be a mother. In eight long months, she would have a child to care for.

 

It wasn’t just her child though. Lukas would obviously have a say if he stuck around.

 

“But what’s the point if the dad doesn’t want it? What’s the point if my _boyfriend_ doesn’t want it?”

 

Kiet clicked his tongue, leaning back in his chair. “I think I have an idea…”

 

*** * ***

 

Lukas sat at the kitchen table, twirling his pen around and staring blankly ahead. It wasn’t like he was doing anything important. He just stared into space, his thoughts running wild in his head. What was he afraid of? _He_ didn’t have to carry and support another child for nine (well, eight now, he assumed) months and deal with all the stress.

 

So why was there this lingering fear in the back of his mind?

 

He gnawed at his lower lip, unsure of what to do or say. Adjusting his glasses, he had remembered how Mathilde reacted. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind she could step up to the plate and be the mother the child needed, but Lukas? He laughed, though it was a shallow one.

 

Lukas _hated_ children. He had subbed for an elementary school class once, and that turned out horribly. He assumed it was different when it’s your own kid, but really, he couldn’t even stand his half-brother when he was younger. He didn’t even like his childhood self.

 

“And besides, Luke,” he started in on himself, setting the pen down. “You don’t even know _how_ to be a father. Your father was never around and went and offed himself early. Your stepfather hated you, your other stepfather hated you, and husband number three doesn’t really care for you.”

 

The lack of male absence and the actions he witnessed during his childhood made him fear he’d end up like the other guys his mom was with.

 

“Lukas.”

 

Looking up, he saw the Dane and offered an off smile. “Hey, Mathilde,” he said. She frowned and pulled out a chair, sitting down. “What?”

 

“I don’t know where you stand,” she said, and began to stroke her stomach. “But this baby… it’s yours _and_ mine. You can’t leave the choice entirely up to me.” He stayed relatively quiet and she said, “We have until the month of the baby’s birth to decide if we want to keep it. I will respect your wishes and I will not abort it.”

 

“And what happens if I don’t decide?” he asked, sensing another problem arising.

 

“Then you’re either in it to take care of it with me,” she began slowly, but turned to him, locking eyes. “Or one of us leaves. And I’m taking custody over the baby, whether you stay or you go.” He pondered this. Though her statement made him feel horrible and off, he sighed in defeat.

 

“And I have eight months–?”

 

“More like seven,” she corrected.

 

He flinched, “Seven months to decide?” She nodded. “Okay. I’ll be with you every step along the way. So you want to keep it?”

 

She frowned. “I’m not sure. I really don’t know…”

 

“Honestly, I’m unsure what I want too, but I never want to force you into a decision you have no desire into making. That’s why I left it up to you.”

 

She smiled, but it was a weak one. “That’s really nice, but it’s not just _my_ kid.” Shrugging, he took a sip of his coffee and he looked out the window. “Okay? You have just as much say in its life as I do.” She stood up and he nodded, unsure of how to respond. “I’m going to call the doctor and ask some questions, schedule some appointments and shit like that…”

 

He didn’t respond, but he put his cup down and went back to absentmindedly twirling his pen.

 

“And Lukas?” she said, turning around before she reached the phone.

 

“Yeah?” he said, being shaken from his haze.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” She left the room and he gnawed at the end of the pen, breaking the end of it and receiving a mouthful of black ink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not meant to offend anyone. The authoress does not want to insult anyone's views, and in her opinion, she does not agree with abortion. However, it was still an option that needed to be addressed because of the culture we live in.
> 
> Aside from that, the rest of the chapter is fairly calm. If any of you know me from FF.net, a lot of the backgrounds and dynamics resemble that of my story, "Dizzy Up the Girl." Because these are my AU!Headcanons and yeah. Anyway, please enjoy this chapter!


	3. Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mathilde and Lukas start breaking the news and the subject of names is brought up.

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Baby_

 

“I’ll be taking maternity leave after Christmas break.”

 

She was in the studio, talking with the secretary and explaining her situation. Emil stood in the doorway, waiting for the female in the office to finish up. A tall, pale blonde haired female entered the room through the studio connected to it.

 

“You’re expecting?” the Russian screamed, shocking everyone. “Oh my God! What’s the gender? How far along are you?” she placed a hand on her the Dane’s flat stomach and began to talk at a mile per minute. “Oh, how precious. You just found out, I assume?”

 

“Hello, Anya, it’s nice to see you too.”

 

Emil chuckled and walked into the studio. “But yes,” Mathilde began, removing the hand from her stomach and eyeing the violet eyed dancer. “I am pregnant. I’m still very early in – about five weeks – and it’s too early for a gender.”

 

The girl giggled and mentioned, “Oh, Birgie will be so jealous. I know her and Tino have been trying for months.” Mathilde quirked and eyebrow and Emil snorted in response. “Anyway, I wish you and your baby the best! You’ll have to bring her in for her Auntie Anya to see, okay?” the ballet instructor cooed. Mathilde nodded, rolling her eyes and the Russian left the room, immediately yelling at the young children to quiet them. Emil closed the door and Mathilde left to walk upstairs, the Icelander following her.

 

“So, have you told any family yet?”

 

“I’m meeting with Birgitta to tell her,” Mathilde said. “I haven’t told my mom or Eric yet. I figured I’d save them for later.”

 

“What about my mom?” he asked stopping at the top of the stairs. Mathilde shrugged. “Or does Luke wanna keep this quiet?”

 

“Well, husband number four doesn’t like me all that much.”

 

“Husband number four is a douche,” Emil retorted. “Honestly, I don’t think Mom would care. Or is it because of reasons…?”

 

“I’m not going to tell your mother, that’s Luke’s job.” The subject was dropped and Iceland took a seat at the table in the waiting area, switching to his tap shoes. “So… Kiet told me what happened.”

 

“Did he.” He stated this, rather than questioned it.

 

“Have you heard back from the other three?”

 

“No and that worries me.” He tightened the laces and Mathilde shrugged, putting on her hip hop shoes and watched him lean back in his chair. “If we passed the initial part and they’re already into the background check, we’re kind of screwed, because with Kiet’s _wonderful_ record, we–.”

 

“I thought it wasn’t that bad? Considering half the offenses came prior to his eighteenth birthday?” Mathilde watched his chuckle.

 

“Oh yeah,” he mumbled. “Because I don’t see how various DUI counts, the countless marks on drug use, stealing, and two assault counts aren’t serious.”

 

“It’s not like he would hurt kids,” Mathilde added, and Emil nodded. “He works with all those kids and he’s been clean since he started college. He’s going to become a doctor. Plus, if anyone knows what these kids are going through…”

 

“It’s Kiet,” Emil finished, punctuating it with a huff. A tall teenage girl walked upstairs and they ceased their conversation.

 

*** * ***

 

“Wow, Lukas Thomassen – a daddy – and before anyone else.”

 

“Roderich.”

 

“He doesn’t count,” the indigo eyes Finn protested, offering a goofy smile. “But wow, how do you feel about it?” The Norwegian shrugged, watching the wheat-colored haired male laugh and sipped his drink. “I mean, has it set in yet?”

 

“I’m not even sure I _want_ to be a dad, Tino.”

 

The two men sat in silence after this sentence and the Norwegian sighed loudly. “But then why don’t you say something to Mathilde?”

 

“I… I just can’t. I know that she’ll have a difficult time choosing between the baby and me.” With that, he slammed the rest of his beer down and crosses his arms, pouting. “And even if she says she’ll be a horrible mother, she really wants to keep it. I know she does.”

 

Lukas than proceeded to tell Tino about the pass three days – about her freak out session outside the hospital, how he had wanted the results to come back negative and their agreement – and Tino listened (it was one of his only good traits, said Lukas) attentively, thinking of a response.

 

“I think you both are overreacting,” he noted after his friend had finished. “You both had parent issues and now you’re too afraid to turn out like them, but at the same time, you two are blind to the fact you are different from your parents.”

 

“You know me better than that, Ti,” he retorted. “The only decent man in my life was my actual father, and we all know how that turned out.”

 

“You are _not_ going to put a bullet in your head,” the Finn firmly said, rolling his eyes. “The circumstances are different.”

 

“Who’s to say my mom will even be happy?” Lukas questioned. “She’s always had grudges against children out of wedlock…”

 

“Because of you,” Tino finished. “Again, different circumstances.” Lukas shrugged and Tino laughed again, trying to lighten the mood. “Well, you have seven months. Maybe you’ll change your mind. Who else knows?”

 

“My brother, his worthless boyfriend, now the entire dance studio, and Mathilde’s going to tell Birgitta tonight.” Shrugging, he looked down at his phone, expecting a message from his girlfriend at any minute. Tino frowned.

 

“Birgitta’s going to hate herself,” he mentioned. “With the news and all…”

 

“What news?”

 

The usually smiling man looked crestfallen. “Oh… well, let’s just say that we can’t have kids.” He watched the Norwegian quirk a pale eyebrow. “Well, we _could_ , but we shouldn’t. It could really hurt her or the baby or both… but… she desperately wants her own child and…”

 

As Tino continued with details, Lukas zoned out. He nodded, making odd confirmation sounds here and there, but he was thinking about a possibility for them. A way out of the mental and emotional turmoil for the time being, so to speak. After they finished their drinks, they left in silence, and Lukas couldn’t wait until Mathilde got home.

 

*** * ***

“But please don’t tell your dad…”

 

After she had broken the news to Birgitta, the Swede gave a forced smile. “I’m so happy for you.” The forced sweet tone of her voice made Mathilde flinched. “I’m glad you’re–.”

 

“Birgitta, are you mad?” the Dane questioned, watching the yellow haired female turn her head and frown. “Anya said you had been trying to…” Mathilde stopped herself, watching her stepsister frown and slam her spoon down onto the table.

 

“Yes, I’m a bit irked,” she mumbled. “You and Lukas don’t seem to be happy about this and I would _die_ for the chance to be in your shoes, but that can’t be helped now, can it?” The dark blue eyed female frowned and reached for her coffee.

 

“Well… if we…”

 

“No.”

 

Her answer was harsh, her expression cold, and Mathilde was positive she was about to strangle her. “You said it yourself: it would be impossible to watch your child grow up with someone else, especially someone close to home.”

 

“Yes, but…”

 

“I don’t mean to sound rude, but you don’t expect me and Tino to pick up something you should be responsible for?”

 

“I want to keep it,” Mathilde bitterly retorted. “I do. However, Lukas has as much say in this as I do. And I’m sure he doesn’t want it.” Birgitta rolled her dark eyes and her stepsister frowned. “If we work out something… well…”

 

Birgitta could see how conflicted she was, and tried to suppress the guilt trip that would follow.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m not sure I know how to be a mother.”

 

“That’s ridiculous.” Birgitta snorted as she said this, but Mathilde ignored it.

 

“Look at you! Naturally caring and motherly!” she pointed, poking her fingers into her stepsister’s chest. “And then there’s me – who is either out on the weekends getting smashed with her friends or screaming at kids at the studio because she hates dealing with them. I have no parental instinct.”

 

“Anything else?” Birgitta ignored this.

 

“I don’t want to have to choose between the baby and Lukas.”

 

This one was a bit more out there, and Birgitta frowned as she leaned in. “What does that mean?” she asked, tilting her head.  
  


“Let’s face it,” Mathilde began, “Lukas doesn’t want the baby. Lukas wants to be with me and I want to be with him. However, I kind of want to keep the baby. I don’t want to have to pick between the man I love or the child _we_ created because of _our_ love.”

 

Their food came and Mathilde frowned, waiting until the waiter left before she said, “It sounds stupid, but I know it’ll be hard for me. What would you do if you were pregnant and Tino didn’t want it?” The Swedish woman pondered this and exhaled the breath she was subconsciously holding.

 

“I know what I would do,” she mumbled. “And I’m sure you do too.”

 

Mathilde knew it too, deep in her heart. She knew damn well who she would pick.

 

*** * ***

 

“So Tino and I got to talking,” Lukas started. It was late and the couple had settled into bed. Mathilde seemed a bit somber after dinner with her stepsister. Lukas had waited until they had settled in to announce his idea. “And talking to him gave me an idea.”

 

“…what?” she deadpanned, cuddling in closer to him, her cheek smashed against his torso. He was stroking her hair, and watching her hand rub circles around her stomach. She had been doing that a lot since she found out, and he took note.

 

“Well, Birgitta was advised not to get pregnant and I was thinking…”

 

“Oh! That we give Birgitta the baby?” Lukas nodded and Mathilde’s sour tone continued. “We talked about that too. She doesn’t want it. And quite frankly, I would have said no too. If I wasn’t giving the baby up to your brother I sure as shit wasn’t going to give it up to Birgitta, either.”

 

“What?” Lukas’ eyebrow raised in confusion.

 

“Emil and Kiet would have loved to adopt, but sadly, they can’t.” Mathilde saw his expression change and sat up. “Birgie bitched me out when I started suggesting it.”

 

“Well, I guess then that won’t happen.” Lukas shrugged his shoulders and said, “We can work something out, I’m sure.”

 

“If only you would work _with_ me.”

 

“I will work with you. I just need to figure some shit out on my own first.” She rolled her eyes and laid back down, this time distancing herself from him. “I hope you’re just having a mood swing because of it.” She twisted her face in displeasure.

 

“I don’t want to call the baby ‘it’ anymore.”

 

“Well fine, we’ll call it Bob.”

 

“What would you name it?” she ignored the sarcasm in his voice. “I always liked Thea. It’s such a pretty name.”

 

“Sofie is a better pick.”

 

Turning her head, he shrugged his shoulders. “And if it’s a guy… how about Magnus… or Marcus?” The Norwegian bit his lip. “What?”

 

“No,” he stated bitterly, and the Dane rolled her eyes. “Let’s just agree not to name it?”

 

“We can just call him or her Baby.” Lukas was about to retort with how stupid it sounded, but she rolled over on her side to face him. “And I really hope you can tell me what you want to do.”

 

He didn’t respond, but he pulled her in, kissing her forehead and burying his face into her short, blonde locks. “I know. But for now…” he didn’t finish and it grew quiet. Mathilde frowned, but buried her face into his chest and inhaled his familiar scent. She was at ease, even if it was just for a few minutes.

 

They ended up drifting off to the dreamland without a second word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I couldn't come up with a better title? I can.
> 
> Uhm this is the last boring, slow chapter. I promise.
> 
> AND NOW. Please welcome Baby, the newest character in this fanfic. Baby causes mood swings, breast enlargement, and skin discoloration. There are some other but I'm too lazy to go and look them up I swear.


	4. Week 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some arguing, and Mathilde wants to tell her best friend about the baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erika Vogel - Liechtenstein  
> Emma Claes (Mentioned) - Belgium)  
> Jan van Djik (Mentioned... a lot) - Netherlands

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Week 9_

 

Life had maintained some normalcy over the last month (or at least some normalcy as one can get with your pregnant girlfriend) and Lukas was busy preparing for a new school year as the incoming English teacher in their small city / town. However, by the time week nine rolled around, Mathilde had been hit hard with morning sickness and fatigue.

 

Lukas mumbled as his girlfriend practically punched him in the stomach. It was three in the morning and when a wave of nausea hit the Dane, she got pissed and woke him up. “I’m sick! I’m tired!” she complained, before jotting off to the bathroom and throwing up.

 

Lukas frowned and stared at the ceiling, adjusting his eyes to the dim light in their shared room. “Mathilde, are you okay?”

 

He heard another loud hurl and he cringed. “No?”After hearing the toilet flush, it grew quiet and he slowly got up, leaning against the bathroom door frame and watching her brush her teeth. “Are you sure this is normal? I mean, you had the week where you _seemed_ fine.”

“It’s just because…” Lukas tended to zone out when Mathilde explained to him what was going on. It didn’t help most of these conversations about how the baby was developing and how her body was handling it occurred before sunrise, in his defense. “And that’s why I’m so tired and moody all the time.”

 

“…are you telling me you’ve been pregnant since we were eight?”

 

_WHAM!_

He stumbled back, rubbing his check. Luckily it was more like a really hard slap as opposed to a punch, and he shot her a dirty look. Instead of snapping back with an insult, he asked, “Do you need anything?” Mathilde shook her head and stumbled back into their bed, pulling the covers up and over her. Lukas yawned and shut off the bathroom light and returned to their room.

 

“Sorry I hit you,” she sniffled, her back turned away from him. He blinked, tilting his head but shrugged it off and settled back into bed.

 

“It’s okay,” mumbled the Norwegian and the only response she gave was by snoring loudly, before she quieted herself. He laid there, pretty sure he was never going back to sleep and stared at the ceiling. “Dammit.”

 

He was going to have to figure out how to suppress vomiting until after he got _at least_ six hours of sleep.

 

**Xx**

“Good morning,” she yawned, stretching as she walked into the kitchen. Lukas sat in his usually spot at the table, a book in hand. “…did I keep you up?” she asked, but Mathilde already knew the answer. “What’re you reading, Luke?” she draped her arms around his shoulder, nuzzling his neck.

 

Flushing, he quickly showed her the title and said, “I need to better understand you if we’re going to share a bed for nine months.” Setting it down, he grabbed her hands and gently squeezed them. “It says that you should probably eat something. Even if it’s just crackers.”

 

She frowned and walked over to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water. “Please don’t be too overbearing about this, Lukas.” Her voice headed a dangerous warning and he stopped, closing the book and setting it to the side. She nodded, and took a sip, letting out a relieved breath after she swallowed the cool drink.

 

“You shouldn’t feel too tired after this week.”

 

“Thanks for letting me know that,” she grumbled. “Since apparently you’re a doctor now?” He shot her a dirty look and returned to his morning coffee in silence. “Okay, well, I’m going into the shop today.” He looked over, unsure of whether to inquire about this decision or not. Not wanting to risk getting screamed at, he hummed a neutral response and she frowned.

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t think going into a bakery while you’re pregnant is smart.”

 

“I didn’t ask you.” She clenched her fist.

 

“You kind of did.” She stomped into the bedroom, slamming the door. “…what did I do _now_?”

 

**Xx**

“Hello, Mathilde!” Turning on her heels, she wiped the flour from her hands and beamed brightly at the young blonde girl with short hair. “How are you?” Big, emerald eyes sparkled and Mathilde laughed.

 

“I’ve been better.”

 

“How is Mr. Thomassen?” The young girl was always so formal when others were not around and Mathilde found it endearing.

 

Shrugging her shoulders, she plopped the cookie dough onto the cutting board and rolled it out. “He’s not getting a lot of sleep, Erika, so he’s kind of moody.” Blushing, the young Germanic female clicked her tongue and Mathilde flushed. “Not like _that_! It’s just…”

 

Well, she could be honest with her. It wasn’t like the secret _wouldn’t_ get out. After all, Anya AND Tino knew, and those two were the biggest blabber mouths in the world – maybe even the universe.

 

“I’ve been waking him up because I have morning sickness.” Tilting her head, Erika questioned her. Mathilde gulped. “I’m… _pregnant_. Now, do you need anything, Erika?” Mumbling something in German, the girl’s big, round eyes squinted.

 

“You don’t look pregnant.” Tapping her chin, she added, “Maybe a bit thicker in like, the waist… you must have just found out.”

 

“Oh God! I’m getting **fat**!” she exclaimed, earning an off look from her Italian coworker. After compusing herself, she coughed. “Uhm… yeah. I’m about… two months now?” she hummed, calculation it in her head. “Yeah, I’m about nine weeks.”

 

“Well, have you thought of any names?” Snorting, Mathilde shook her head. “I always loved the name Lili. I think it’s beautiful. And I’ll have some cookies. I’m bringing them to Vash so he can give some to Emma.”

 

“It would suit your kid,” Mathilde began, pressing the cookie cutter down onto the dough. “Just not _mine_ , you know?” She rolled her eyes and continued, “Plus, Lukas and I can’t agree on a name. I guess we’ll just figure it out when we know the baby’s gender.”

 

“How many people know?”

 

“Birgitta, Tino, Anya, Emil, and Kiet… and now you.”

 

“You didn’t tell Jan?”

 

Mathilde was gnawing off her lip at the mentioned of the Dutch man. Jan and her went _way_ back, and they were extremely close. Jan, though he never liked Mathilde romantically while she once harbored one sided feelings, had never liked Lukas, and vice versa.

 

“I’m not sure he’d like to hear that I’m knocked up.”

 

“He’s still your best friend.”

 

“Jan… is complicated.” Best friend or no best friend, Jan had often times told Mathilde that he wouldn’t and didn’t support her relationship with Lukas. Maybe it was the whole rivalry thing they had going on at the time (that and Lukas’ dislike of Kiet may have attributed to the mutual dislike her boyfriend had towards her best friend) or maybe it was just because they were polar opposites (which Mathilde couldn’t see, as they were both quiet by nature and book fanatics), but Jan would probably flip a tit over this.

 

“I still think he should know… as your best friend.”

 

Shrugging her shoulders, she didn’t know exactly what to say to that. She left it at that and bagged the cookies Erika finished picking out, waving goodbye and absent mindedly returning to work.

 

**Xx**

“We should tell Jan.” Mathilde returned home before dinner and as Lukas was busy cooking, she brought up the delicate subject. “I mean, he’s my _best friend_ and I want him to be a part of Baby’s life.”

 

“If you keep Baby,” Lukas responded bitterly, trying to recall what his girlfriend even _liked_ about the arrogant Dane. She frowned, cutting up bits of tomatoes for the pizza he was making. Sky blue eyes were trained on the wooden cutting board.

 

Finally, she set her knife down and turned to her boyfriend. “I know you two don’t get along,” she pointed out. “But that doesn’t change the fact he’s my best friend, you’re my boyfriend, and you and I have a baby on the way.”

 

Mumbling something to himself, she groaned. “Just, please be there when I tell him?”

 

“He wouldn’t _hit_ you,” Lukas made known. “He’d _strangle_ me. I think it’s best if I’m not there.” Rolling her eyes she slide the tomatoes into the sauce pan.

 

“There you go – always thinking of yourself.”

 

“Don’t raise your voice,” he snapped back. “I’m not being selfish, I’m just saying it’s a bad idea. I know you and him are close, but Jan already made it known that he hates us as a couple. Telling him you’re pregnant with my kid – and then telling him we aren’t sure we want it – is just _asking_ for trouble.”

 

She nodded, and knew that it was probably true. However, it did not change the fact that Jan was her friend and he _deserved_ to know, even if it meant that she lost her friend in the process.

 

“I still think we should do it.”

 

He sighed, slowly sliding the pizza into the oven. “Fine.” He held up his hands in defeat. “If this _really_ means that much to you, if you’re willing to lose a friend, and if you’re willing to watch him try and kill me, we will tell him.”

 

She smiled and hugged him from behind. “Thank you so much Lukas~! I love you.”

 

He flushed, looking down at the timer, mumbling, “I love you too.” He turned around and gave her a quick peck on the lips, before he turned his attention back to making dinner. Sighing, he knew he was in for a hell of a ride already with the moodiness already taking full force of his girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authoress has just read gutters and I really liked the name Jan for Netherlands a lot better than any of the other potential names for Netherlands that I've seen floating around. I don't know, it seems pretty bad ass if you ask me. Hn.
> 
> A lot of this is just my own head!canon for a series I write in my head. However, most of the hatred between Jan and Lukas will be explained later on.
> 
> Uhm yup that's about it.
> 
> Creative title is creative.


	5. Telling Jan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan doesn't react very well, and Lukas spends a lot of time reflecting on the baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jan van Dijk - Netherlands

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Telling Jan_

It took one week for Lukas to actually, _completely_ agree to meeting with Jan. It took two weeks for Jan to actually agree to sit down with _both_ Mathilde and Lukas. “I don’t know why I bother,” he grumbled, inhaling the smoke from his cigarette. “All your stupid lover boy does is sit there and judge me.”

 

Mathilde had scheduled a prenatal appointment that day with Dr. Yao Wang, an old friend of theirs from high school, and Lukas (begrudgingly) tagged along because of the fact she did not want to have to drive to the house and pick him up, only to have him come up with an excuse as to why he couldn’t go.

 

The tall, Chinese man entered the room, his light brown eyes trained on the couple. “Ah, Mathilde! Lukas! How are you?” Lukas just shrugged and sat down in a nearby chair, while Mathilde began to explain how she was feeling.

 

“I’ve been having heartburn lately.” She went into detail about it and added a few other common symptoms to the list as well.

 

“Perfectly common, especially in first time mothers,” Yao explained, taking his stethoscope out and pressing it against her lower abdomen. Her waist was considerably larger now, and Lukas could start to notice that she was almost _looking_ like a pregnant woman. He put the instrument around his neck and walked over to the counter, grabbing something and walking back over, pouring some of the ultrasound gel on her lower abdomen.

 

“Here,” he smiled, placing it against her stomach. “It’s a Doppler. It can help you hear the baby’s heart beat.” Lukas quirked an eyebrow and Mathilde tilted her head, shivering as the gel touched her exposed skin. “It should sound like… horses running.”

 

Lukas laughed a little bit, and earned a dirty look from the other two in the room. It grew quiet and Mathilde shifted nervously, until she heard the faint sound. Yao barely moved the device across her stomach and it seemed to be louder.

 

“Your baby seems to be healthy, Miss Densen.”

 

As they spoke, the Doppler did not stop picking up the sound of the baby’s heart. Lukas bit his lip, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. Suddenly, his thoughts became a jumbled mess and all the doubts he had about himself vanished as he focused on the odd sound that was proof the baby’s heart was beating.

 

It was incredible to think he helped make that life that was currently turning her mother into a moody, yet cautious woman. Mathilde really wanted to make sure the baby was healthy (Birgitta probably influenced that) and she had taken to eating better and taking various vitamins.

 

It was incredible to think that in just six months, that baby would be brought into this world. She was nearing the end of a pretty solid first trimester, and he was anxious for the next two to fly by. Yet, he still felt at ease welcoming a child into this world.

 

And the underlying fear he’d fuck up its life still stood.

 

The noise stopped abruptly. “And I’ll see you next month, and we will discuss finding the baby’s gender, alright?”

 

“Thank you so much, Yao!” she smiled, hugging him tightly. “Say hi to Anya for me!” Lukas snapped back to reality and stood up, walking up to his girlfriend and draping his arm around her waist. “Let’s go, Luke.”

 

*** * ***

By the time they reached their house, they found Jan parked in the middle of the street. The dishwater blond male was smoking, leaning against the hood of his car. Dull, green eyes locked with Lukas’ and he growled, extinguishing the cigarette before he was talked by the Dane.

 

“Jan! You’re here.”

 

“I didn’t want to have to deal with your pissy attitude if I skipped,” the Dutch male mumbled, and when Mathilde stepped back, he quirked an eyebrow. “Mathilde, you’re chubbier.”

 

Lukas stepped up behind her and she frowned, looking down at herself. “Come inside, Jan.” He practically dragged his girlfriend (who was now a basket case over her weight once again) into their small home. Jan followed and sat down on the couch, watching the Norwegian sit on the loveseat nearby. After Mathilde sat down, the two men exchanged dirty looks.

 

“How are you, you prick?” Jan asked, crossing his arms and leaning back. Lukas sighed and mumbled something under his breath, earning a hard elbow from his girlfriend. “Somehow, you managed to stay with Thilde.”

 

“What’s that suppose to mean?” Lukas hissed.

 

“Boys, _please_ ,” Mathilde warned, eyeing her boyfriend. “Look, Jan. We just thought you’d like to know… because you are my best friend and everything… but… I’m pregnant.” Jan’s bland expression remained unchanged.

 

“So,” he didn’t take his eyes off the Dane. “How far?”

 

“Three months.”

 

“What are you guys doing about it?”

 

Lukas cut Mathilde off mid-answer and squeezed her knee. “Well, we aren’t sure completely.”

 

“I gave him until the month before the baby is born to tell me what he wants to do and if we can work out an agreement.” Mathilde gave a smile and Jan’s expression became a hard glare. “And if he doesn’t tell me, then I’m assuming he wants the baby… or one of us will leave, and I’m keeping the baby if that happens.”

 

“I told you this would happen.”

 

Lukas shot Mathilde an off-glance. “That _what_ would happen?” Mathilde bit her lip.

 

“I told her,” Jan spoke up. “That you’d be a little bitch and refuse to man up to something like this. I’ve been telling her than since we were sophomores in high school. You were always a little bit harsh towards Mathilde.”

 

Lukas crackled his knuckles in nervousness. “I’m not saying I won’t man up. I would leave and Mathilde would get the house. I would pay the child support.”

 

“So leaving your pregnant girlfriend is already an option for you?” the taller man quirked an eyebrow, the nastiest of looks on his face.

 

“I’d stay until the baby was born,” Lukas frowned. “But stop putting words into my mouth. She’s just as unsure as I am!”

 

“Are you that fucking _blind_?”

 

“Jan, please.” Mathilde finally raised her voice and the room grew quiet. “I appreciate your concern for me – you’ve always been a true friend – but screaming at Luke won’t help anything.” The Dutch male rolled his eyes and stood up.

 

“Mathilde, you call me if you _ever_ need anything,” Jan said, walking over to the door. “You call me.” He opened the door and shut it, and Lukas hissed.

 

“I knew we shouldn’t have told him.”

 

“Well, at least he didn’t kill you.”

 

Lukas began to do various things around the house, and eventually noticed it was oddly quiet. Walking into the living room, he saw the Dane sitting there in silence, rubbing her hand over her stomach, humming to herself.

 

Lukas smiled, thinking about today’s appointment. The sound of the baby’s heart over the Doppler played on loop in his head as he turned away from his girlfriend and sighed. He thought about how his mother had been so happy to have his little brother…

 

Wait…

 

“Shit,” he mumbled, making it barely audible so Mathilde wouldn’t get worked up. His _mother_. She still had yet to be informed, as did Mathilde’s mother and stepfather. He bit his lip, thinking of all the things she would say to him.

 

_Well, certainly it’s already condemned to Hell._

_Well, are either of you really ready for a full time responsibility? I don’t think so._

_Get out of my sight, Lukas Erik Thomassen!_

_You’re **just** like your father…_

Just like his _father_. His mother’s voice repeated that in his head and he bit his lip, trying to control the sudden anxiety that struck him. And no matter what happened, the reality was he was _just_ like him. He had heard it from so many people he started to believe it.

 

_You’re **just** like your father._

Mathilde heard Lukas’ quick and uneven breaths and jumped up. “Lukas!” she shouted, running over and trying to settle him down. “Luke? Please, calm down! It’s fine! What’s wrong, Lukas?”

 

_You’re **just** like your **father**._

Unable to keep himself composed and on his feet, Lukas immediately hit the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mathilde doesn't strike me as one to faint as often as Lukas does :x I had been trying to get this up all day. And I had a long note explaining how my research is very vague and yada yada yada but whatever. I'm just gonna post this now.
> 
> Jan caused an inadvertent subplot that I wasn't going to have, dammit. Stupid Jan.
> 
> I really liked the name Jan as opposed to the other names floating around. I got it from the fic, "Gutters." It's amazing and sad and ekjhfldshfljf


	6. Secretive Lukas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lukas doesn't like to tell people things. Mathilde isn't eating and he gets concerned. Darlene's summaries get sassy.

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Secretive Lukas_

 

He woke up on the sofa, staring at the textured, white ceiling. Groaning, he sat up and looked over at the loveseat nearby, snorting in annoyance when he saw the Thai sitting there, book in hand. “Good morning, sunshine,” he joked, and Lukas glared.

 

“Where’s Mathilde?”

 

“Emil took her out,” Kiet replied, flipping his page. “She was getting hungry and you didn’t seem to be waking up anytime soon. So I got to play babysitter.” The Norwegian just _despised_ the Asian. He had always hated him since junior high, when they were on the same track team. Although Kiet never returned the hate, Lukas generated enough for the both of them.

 

“So,” he began, crossing his arms and eyeing his brother’s boyfriend. “Mathilde says you can’t adopt?”

 

“No,” Kiet corrected. “We got rejected by two of the five agencies we applied for.” He shook his head, setting his book down on his lap and rolling his eyes. “And this shouldn’t be about us, Lukas. What about you? You really stressed Mathilde out. That’s not good for the baby.”

 

“Why should I talk to you about it?” the blond growled, standing up and walking to the kitchen. “It’s none of your business.”

 

“If you truly feel that way,” Kiet’s tone was condescending. “But your _indecisiveness_ is not easy on Mathilde.”

 

“My indecisiveness? _My_ indecisiveness?” he raised his voice slightly. “She doesn’t even know if she truly wants to keep it. I think she’s just saying it to–!”

 

“And you think _I’m_ the idiot?” Kiet’s sarcastic voice echoed in the near empty house. “You can’t even try and tell me she doesn’t want it.”

 

“How would you know?”

 

“Because she told me.”

 

Lukas huffed, feeling a twinge of jealousy surge through him. Maybe the bastard was right – his indecisiveness really must have made it hard on her – and she couldn’t tell him anything in fear he wouldn’t support her or agree with her.

 

“Now, don’t get pissed,” Kiet interrupted his thoughts, crossing his arms. Lukas flinched, and if there was _anything_ the Thai wasn’t, it was _fake_. He didn’t sugar coat anything. If you came to him for advice, he would give you everything but a little lie to make you feel better.

 

Which Lukas found ironic, because he couldn’t even admit his own past to most people.

 

“How can you expect her to be honest when you can’t even tell her how you feel?” Lukas sighed under his breath, before looking up at the ceiling.

 

“You’re still here?” he remarked. “Shouldn’t you be getting home now?” Growling, Kiet rolled his eyes and walked over to the front door.

 

“If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’ll always listen.”

 

“Ha, no thanks, I’m good.”

 

“You don’t think I understand,” Kiet retorted, causing Lukas to freeze up. “Emil told me you only get anxious over one thing. Granted, our lives are _very_ different, but you don’t think I understand what it feels like to be afraid and fear the same thing you do?”

 

“You can leave. _Now_.”

 

Kiet held up his hands in defeat and left the house.

 

*** * ***

“I don’t think Kiet got through to him.”

 

Hanging up his cell phone, Emil reentered the store as Mathilde browsed some of the maternity dresses. “Well, what happened?”

 

“Eh, let’s just say neither of them are in a great mood.”

 

Sky blue eyes narrowed in thought, before she asked, “So what’s up with Lukas?” Emil began to absentmindedly browse for clothing, looking over at the woman before he exhaled the breath he was holding. “I mean…”

 

“I’m not in any position to tell you that.”

 

“He only gets like that when he thinks about his father.”

 

Emil was well aware that Mathilde had known that tidbit of information (even though Emil forgot that they _had_ been best friends since daycare from time to time) and bit his lip. “So, it is about Marcus Bondevik then?”

 

“I never said that,” the Icelander protested. “And even if I did, it’s not my place to tell you. It’s up to Lukas. I don’t even know what _his_ problem is, honestly.” Mumbling to himself, Mathilde crossed her arms.

 

“I have a feeling the only reason Kiet stayed back was because you asked him to.”

 

“Yes,” Emil snapped. “Because Kiet probably wouldn’t _want_ to shop with you.”

 

“It was to try and pry out what’s really bothering him.”

 

Emil groaned, holding up a red, cotton dress. Mathilde snatched it from him, but did not say anything. She was waiting for an answer – an answer he wouldn’t give her – and it was really pissing her off. “Emil! I’m getting pretty sick of this.”

 

“Don’t stress yourself,” he forced a smile. “He’ll tell you soon enough.” Even though Emil was truly unsure _what_ he would tell her or if it would be what she _wanted_ to hear, but he knew with time it would happen.

 

“Now, let’s go and check out. I think you have enough clothes for now.”

 

*** * ***

Three weeks later, everything seemed to be returning to normal. Lukas didn’t have any more fainting spells and Mathilde was starting to develop a bit of a baby bump. Lukas never could understand why everyone wanted to touch a pregnant woman’s stomach until now. Sometimes after a long day, he would lay in bed with her, rubbing her stomach as if it were the most comforting thing in the world.

 

Mathilde was nearing the end of month four, and although morning sickness practically left her, Lukas noticed something very disconcerting. He had asked around and others noticed it too.

 

Mathilde wasn’t eating. _At all_.

 

She had just shrugged it off, saying that she didn’t have an appetite or breakfast / dinner seemed disgusting to her. Lukas knew it wasn’t just a morning / night time thing, and began to grow worry. If she wasn’t eating, the baby wasn’t getting nutrients.

 

With school starting in the next week, Lukas knew he would have to figure something out. He placed a call to Yao, and the Chinese man told him all that he could. He suggested various food ideas and ways to get her to eat, but nothing seemed to work.

 

“Bring her in to me.”

 

So they were at the doctor’s office, with Mathilde sitting quietly, looking down at the ground, ashamed. “Why are you upset?”

 

“I told you I was _fine_.”

 

“You’ve been _losing_ weight,” Lukas pointed out. “You’re _pregnant_. You should be _gaining_ weight.” Mathilde bit her lip, still not making eye contact. “It’s nothing to be _ashamed_ about. Are you not eating because you don’t wanna gain weight?”

 

“No, food is just… gross to me.”

 

“You need to eat, though.”

 

“Stop pretending like you care!” she yelled, drawing some unwanted attention to them and Lukas flushed, looking away and saying no more.

 

“Ms. Densen? Mr. Thomassen?”

 

They entered the office and Yao turned around in his chair, smiling. “Please, take a seat, Mathilde.” After some basic questions, the Asian sighed, saying, “Well, everything seems to be fine, but I can see where Mr. Thomassen’s concern is. But if anything, you should just try and get something in you.”

 

After a few more questions and Mathilde’s temper flaring every so often, Yao asked, “When should I schedule an ultrasound for the baby’s gender?”

 

Mathilde’s anger melted away and she looked down. “When do you think?” she asked, placing a hand on her stomach. “I mean… I want it to be accurate!” Yao laughed and the eager Dane tilted her head.

 

“It’d be best to do it then between twenty weeks and twenty-two weeks.” He checked his calendar and mentioned, “I have an opening for four o’clock, September 24th. Does that sound alright?”

 

Nodding, she gave a small smile and slid off the table, and left the room. Lukas sighed, turning back to the doctor and Yao smiled. “So, have you decided on names yet?”

 

Lukas didn’t want to mention he hadn’t decided if he _wanted_ it yet.

 

“Eh, not really…”

 

“She called me the other day, asking about her gums bleeding and such,” Yao mentioned, walking down the hallway next to him. “I asked her, she said you guys could never agree on a girl’s name, but she really thinks she wants to name a boy Marcus.”

 

Lukas froze up, feeling his heart rate slightly excel. “You know, I don’t see why you’re so stubborn to naming it after your father. He was a great man.”

 

“He was,” Lukas mumbled, shaking slightly and trying to control his breathing. The images of the man flashed before his eyes. “But I don’t know…”

 

“Are you worried?” Yao asked, turning and going pale as Lukas slipped into another anxiety attack. “Lukas, stay with me.” He grabbed the male and pushed him down into a chair. Mathilde had stopped, a good couple feet ahead of them when she heard Yao yell.

 

She rushed and got some water, walking back over and finding Lukas bent over, head between his legs and shaking. “Lukas.” Her voice was stern and slightly annoyed, yet she didn’t say anything. He didn’t look up, but he eventually calmed himself enough to sit up right. He took the cup from her and drank.

 

Yao frowned and excused himself, saying he would be right back. Mathilde took a seat next to him, and he turned his head to face him. “Yao said you want to name the baby Marcus.”

 

“Yeah,” she quirked an eyebrow, a deep frown outlining her features. “I really do. I loved your father and you did too. It’d be the best way to honor him. Plus, it’s a cute name.” Lukas could only imagine the little boy – curly, dirty blonde hair with cobalt eyes, yet with a face just like his own.

 

And he was told he had his father’s face.

 

“Name it Magnus for fuck’s sake!”

 

“Lukas,” Mathilde sternly said, grabbing his arm and squeezing it. He realized he was working himself into another anxiety attack and calmed down. “I know I said tell me the month before the baby was born, but I need to know now. It’s affecting you – this whole baby thing – and I can’t have you passing out every week.”

 

Lukas frowned, standing up and taking a shaky step. “No, I’m fine. I truly am. It’s nothing.”

 

“It’s _not_ nothing, Lukas.”

 

He shook his head and turned around, helping her to her feet. Pressing a gentle kiss into her temple, he said, “I love you. I _will_ tell you, but it’s nothing that requires you to worry extra.” The Dane doubted that so much, but didn’t say anything else.

 

“Now, let’s go get some dinner.”

 

She frowned, but nodded, knowing eating a meal would make Lukas feel just a little bit better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late. I wanna get this up now in case the site freaks out on me again. YAY ME.
> 
> Uhm not much to say. Starts up at twelve weeks and then ends at fifteen weeks.
> 
> What do you guys think the gender of the baby is going to be? Not saying I won't take your suggestions into play, but I already kind of have an idea. I want to know your ideas. And if you think you know what they're going to name it.


	7. Secret's Out: Vilhelmina and Erik

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secrets out to Mathilde's parents and communication slowly is starting to bloom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't remember if I used the spelling "ERIC" or "ERIK," but I liked Erik better.  
> Erik Oxenstierna - Birgitta's father; her parents are divorce  
> Vilhelmina (Densen) Oxenstierna - Mathilde mother; her father died

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Secret’s Out: Vilhelmina and Erik_

 

Towards the end of August, Birgitta came by the house. Lukas was the only one home, as Mathilde was down at the dance studio. They sat in the kitchen, making small talk while Lukas finished grading freshman essays. The Swede seemed on edge and every time Lukas questioned her strange behavior, she shook it off and tried to change the subject.

 

“You still haven’t told the parents, have you?”

 

“No.” Lukas had honestly been trying to avoid telling his mother while Mathilde was figuring out when to tell her family. Birgitta and Emil were the only family members who actually _knew_ (although Lukas and Mathilde were positive that Birgitta let it slip to her little ginger cousin, Viktor, because when they saw him, all he could do was stare at her stomach).

 

“My father’s birthday is Sunday,” the Swede spoke up. “You guys are coming, right?” Lukas nodded and Birgitta said, “Great! You can tell Minna and him then!”

 

“Him and Minna,” Lukas subconsciously corrected, which is how he usually got after sitting through a pile of papers. “Sorry. And that’s not up to me. That’s up to Mathilde.”

 

“So, you will tell them, right?” Shrugging his shoulders.

 

“Ask Mathilde.”

 

“So, yes?”

 

“I’m not agreeing to anything that might get my balls chopped off.” Birgitta snorted and Lukas shrugged his shoulders. The door opened and Mathilde groaned, dragging herself into the living room. “Hey, Thilde. What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m in so much pain,” she groaned, sitting down in the recliner and closing her eyes. “Hey, Gitta.”

 

“Mathilde, you’re telling your mom and my dad this Sunday.”

 

She didn’t open her eyes, but her tone was mocking. “Oh yeah, that’s a great mood killer. Walk in, sing ‘Happy Birthday,’ and tell them I’m pregnant. I see nothing wrong with that.” She cleared her throat and sniffled.

 

“Either you tell them or I do!” Birgitta shouted. “And trust me, my dad doesn’t like finding things out from a secondhand source.”

 

“That’s his problem,” Mathilde commented, opening one of her eyes. Birgitta walked over and sat on the arm of the chair, running a hand through her short, knotted hair. “Not mine. I really don’t want them to know.”

 

“They’re going to figure it out with that little bump you’re sporting, Thilde.”

 

Looking down at her stomach, she placed a hand on it and shrugged. “Then let my body tell them. If they want to know anything else, they can ask me.” She started to raise her voice considerably and Birgitta took note, back of just a bit.

 

“Fine, it’s your choice.”

 

“I’m sure you didn’t come over here to pester me about my life.” Mathilde acknowledged. Birgitta’s frown deepened and Mathilde watched her mess with her dirty blonde hair. “Come on, Gitta. You’re always bothering someone else when something’s bothering you. I _know_ that.”

 

She frowned and turned away. “I’m just worried about…”

 

“What’s _wrong_?”

 

It was amazing how sisters – even if they weren’t blood related – could pick up on any little detail. Birgitta looked down and sighed loudly. “Fine. I need you to tell them you’re pregnant because it’ll take the attention off of _me_ for the day.”

 

“That sounds pretty selfish,” Mathilde mumbled.

 

“Because Tino let it slip that _I_ was pregnant, and given my medical records and how we were advised _not_ to, I’m pretty sure my dad is livid.”

 

Mathilde clicked her tongue, unsure of how she should react. She knew Birgitta _wanted_ to be the pregnant one and have her own children, yet she hated the idea of being put into a position where she had to choose her life or her baby’s life.

 

“I thought you _couldn’t_ get pregnant.”

 

“The doctor said she _shouldn’t_ , there’s a HUGE difference.” Mathilde turned to her boyfriend, unsure of what to tell him. “Lukas, you’re coming with me to Erik’s party, right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Turning back to her stepsister, she nodded. “Okay, fine. Besides, I don’t know if I can keep me being almost five months pregnant a secret anyway.”

 

*** * ***

 

The day of the birthday party quickly approached, and upon arriving, Mathilde and Lukas were greeted by a tall, curly haired Dane. “Oh, Mathilde. You’ve gained weight.” Lukas didn’t even get any kind of recognition, but squeezed his girlfriend’s hand as she gritted her teeth.

 

“Well, mother, one has to gain weight in order…”

 

“Never mind.” Lukas rolled his eyes at the older, Danish woman as she walked into the dining room. “We’re having cake now. Sit down and try not to eat the whole thing, Mattie.” She flinched and looked over at her boyfriend.

 

“Let’s just tell them and leave.”

 

“Good plan,” she nodded and he slung his arm around her shoulders, walking into the kitchen and taking a seat opposite of Birgitta and Tino. “Hey guys, how are you?” She heard her mother snort and Erik gulped, obviously bracing for his second wife’s out lash.

 

“We’re great!” Tino began, and rambled on about various things everyone could care less about.

 

“Well, we’ll see how great Birgitta is feeling in about five weeks.”

 

“Minna, please,” the balding Swede mumbled, looking at his daughter. “She already knows how we feel. And it’s my birthday.”

 

“So, Birgie,” Minna started to cut the cake. “Please tell me why you disregarded everything the doctor told you.”

 

“I didn’t.” Birgitta eyed Mathilde, and she gulped. Her mother was in rare form today, and she knew she’s get the venom now.

 

“Mathilde, how many pieces of cake do you want?” Vilhelmina glared at her daughter. She cleared her throat.

 

“A small one, please… and do you have any salt?” she questioned, and Erik nodded, sliding the salt shaker down to her. “I’ve been craving salty food for two weeks now.”

 

“I see the cravings are starting,” Tino commented, and looked over at Lukas. “Any late night runs to the store?”

 

“No, she just really wants to eat salty food. And we have enough of that at home.” He grabbed the little container from her and shook his head. “That’s too much. Don’t _kill_ it.”

 

“…I’m so confused,” Erik smiled, adjusting his glasses.

 

“I’m pregnant,” Mathilde shrugged it off as Vilhelmina dropped a piece of cake in Tino’s lap, unsure of what to say or do. “And I really like salt. I mean, I _really_ like it. I had Kiet Sripuy’s cousin make me rice and I drowned that shit in salt. It was really good.”

 

“Stop talking,” Lukas smirked, hiding his smile behind his hand. “You’re making it hard to take you seriously.”

 

“How far along are you?” her mother asked, quirking an eyebrow.

 

“Almost eighteen weeks.”

 

“Well, what are you going to do with it?” Mathilde gulped and exchanged a nervous glance with Lukas. “Oh, I should’ve figured. Can’t even own up to this one, can you?”

 

“We’re deciding what would be best for the baby,” Lukas growled. He stood up and slammed his chair into a table. “And we don’t need your opinion, Mrs. Oxenstierna.”

 

“They always said you were like your father.”

 

“Mom!” Mathilde shouted, standing up and taking the Norwegian’s arm. “This has _nothing_ to do with Marcus Bondevik. This is about me and Lukas,” she started, “And our baby.” She tried to drag him away but he didn’t budge.

 

“Honey,” Erik chimed in. “Please don’t do this _now_. I’m happy my girls are finally giving me grandchildren – even if one has put her life at risk and the other isn’t sure what she wants to do with it – but I’m glad.”

 

“See?” Mathilde shouted, squeezing Lukas’ arm so hard it bruises. “This is why I’m afraid to be a mother. Because of _you_.”

 

“Me?”

 

“You put these expectations on me!” Mathilde yelled and Lukas snapped out of his haze. “Happy birthday, Erik. We’ll call you soon. Goodbye, Mother. See you guys later.” After waving to Tino and Birgitta, Lukas led her outside.

 

The car ride was spent in silence. Lukas placed a hand on her thigh and smiled. “Were you really afraid you’d turn out to be like your mother?”

 

“Yes,” she whispered, suddenly feeling ashamed of the fear she held before. “I just… I never want to be like her. She raised me, and I love her… but no.”

 

“You’re too nice to be like her.”

 

“…thanks.” She gripped his hand and sighed.

 

“I mean it,” Lukas sternly stated, pulling into their driveway. “Your mom’s kind of a bitch.” She laughed and he moved his hand up to his stomach. “And just seeing how you act about the baby even when you’re still carrying it makes me think you’ll be a great mother.

 

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she gave a weak smile. “You think so?” she questioned, and he nodded. “I think we’d be a great family.” He frowned, unsure of what to say. “Oh… okay. You’re still undecided.”

 

“You want to keep Baby, huh?”

 

“Is it that obvious?”

 

Lukas didn’t mention that he completely overlooked all the signs and only picked up on them after the Thai pointed it out to him. Instead, he just nodded and they got out of the car. As soon as they entered the house, he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

 

“What?” she huffed, turning her head to face him.

 

“I love you.”

 

“…I love you too.” She turned and kissed his lips, pulling him down and smiling. “I’m going to take a shower and then let’s order in some food and stay in the rest of the day, okay?”

 

He smiled, kissing her again and said in between the fluttery displays of affection, finally said, “Mind if I join you?”

 

Laughing, she swatted his arm, but led him into the bathroom anyway. “I’m sure we can work something out.” He chuckled, smirking as he shut the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is written on little or no sleep. And I wanted to end it on a happier note.


	8. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan expresses his true feelings, Anya is mischievous, Lukas makes a decision, and the baby's gender is about to be found out... next time though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake Walters - Australia

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Complications_

 

At twenty weeks, Mathilde was anxiously waiting for Monday to approach. All she could talk about was what gender the baby would be. She had done various methods of predicting for fun and three of them said a girl. The rest all said it was a boy.

 

“What would you want, Lukas?”

 

Although he had been secretly anticipating whether or not they’d have to design the guest room into something suitable for a little princess (as he was convinced any daughter of Mathilde’s would be a spoiled rotten princess) or a little bit more masculine with either a jungle or ocean theme (as Mathilde had decided that’d be suitable for Marcus – as she was dead set on naming a baby boy that), he could care less.

 

“It’s still more work for me, either way.”

 

“Great way to look at it, Luke.” She nuzzled his neck and kissed him, curling up and falling back to sleep.

 

She had become more affectionate these days, though still prone to temper tantrums and recently she had become a crying mess. Lukas had also noticed an increase in sex drive and although he was happy to oblige, he knew sex was getting harder with Baby getting bigger.

 

And maybe that’s why whenever she would cry and whine about gaining weight, he’d just stand there and stare. She was _glowing_ and he couldn’t think of a more beautiful woman at that time. She’d often snap on people her touched the little bump (Lukas _loved_ watching Kiet and Anya get chewed out the most), he could now understand why everyone was trying to touch it.

 

It was truly something incredible and you had to be part of the experience to understand it.

 

Some nights he’d stay up with her as she let false worries fill her head about impending motherhood. He had come to accept the fact that _she_ wanted to keep it, yet could still not come clean about his own fears to her. She’s be asleep and he’d whisper to the child growing inside of her, telling the baby how he was afraid he’s fail it as a father and ultimately end up like his own.

 

Through these late night session, he found out he was getting attached. Lukas was not one for sentimental feelings, but he knew this one. It was the feeling that he would die if the baby left his life. He had this feeling with his father and Mathilde, the former who actually did leave his life, and now with the baby on the way, he knew that it was getting close for him to figure out what he wanted.

 

But what _did_ he want?

 

*** * ***

 

“Anya, for the last time, I don’t want a baby shower!” She literally _punched_ the Russian in the boob, trying to get the overly affectionate female away from her. If you had asked Mathilde who was the most excited for the baby’s birth, she’d probably say Anya Braginskaya.

 

“But Mathilde!” she whined, rubbing her sore breast. “Your sister is too early in her pregnancy to have one for and I really want to throw one!”

 

“Then wait four or five months.”

 

“Your baby will be there by then.” Pouting, the Russian looked over at the Icelander, lounging in the chair. “Besides, you should let us help you get some of the baby supplies!”

 

“Lukas and I are fine on our own,” Mathilde sighed, unsure of how to politely say no and how to control her already horrid temper. “I don’t _want_ a party for the baby.”

 

“I think a baby shower would be fun,” Emil stated, flipping through a magazine. “Besides, why not?”

 

“I don’t have enough space at my house for one,” Mathilde groaned. Anya cleared her throat, crossing her arms. “And Lukas hates having large crowds of people over.”

 

“We can have it at _my_ place, you know,” Anya brought up. “Yao would definitely _not_ mind and I have enough space for a lot of people.” Shrugging her shoulders the Dane grabbed her purse and reached for the door.

 

“I’ll think about it,” muttered Mathilde. “Anyway, I’m gonna go. I’m meeting up with Jake, Jan, and Kiet at the bar. I’m kind of the designated driver.” Emil snorted. “And yes, Emi, I’ll make sure your precious beau gets home safe and sound.”

 

“You better.”

 

“Bye, Thilde!” As soon as she left the office, Anya turned to the Icelander, a wicked smile on her lips. “Okay, so, what day would be best for the shower?” Emil tossed the magazine to the side and sat up, and the two began to plan.

 

*** * ***

“Get down from there, Kiettisuk Sripuy! Emil will kill me if you end up in the emergency room!”

 

The Thai was currently stumbling across the top of the monkey bars, trying to avoid stepping on a brown haired Australian hanging upside down from them. Jan was sitting on the swings next to the Dane, who was biting her lip and watching as the two laughed and Kiet landed safely on the platform.

 

“Let them be stupid,” Jan mumbled, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. “So… boy or girl?”

 

“I find out Monday,” she said, placing a hand on her stomach. She watched as Jake tried to drunkenly climb up the slide, but rolled back down it. “Some things never change, huh?”

 

“You’re a mother-to-be, Kiet’s practically married, and Jake’s pussy-whipped. A lot has changed.”

 

“Does that upset you?” Mathilde turned to the Dutch man, ignoring the commotion the Australian was causing. “That things have changed and we’re not the same people we were back in high school?” His frowned made the scar wrinkle up and he gnawed at his lip.

 

“I kind of miss it being just _us_ ,” he admitted. “That was when I could call you my best friend and not feel like I was… I don’t know, doing something _bad_.”

 

“Since when was calling me your best friend bad?” Mathilde asked, and her friend flushed. “You’ve _always_ been my best friend,” she told him. “Since we were in like, second grade.”

 

“Lukas has also _always_ been your best friend, too.” He threw the cigarette into the grass.

 

“And now he’s my _boyfriend_.” Quirking an eyebrow, she asked, “What are you even trying to say?” Jan stood up and told the two drunken males he was “going for a walk.” He left without a second word. “Jan!”

 

Following him down into a heavily forested area, she grabbed his arm, tugging on him. “What’s gotten into you?”

 

“Is it wrong that I’m jealous?” he asked, chuckling darkly to himself. “I had my chance. I had about five years of chance. Almost six. But no. I was stupid.”

 

“What are you talking about?” she asked, and he turned on his heels, pulling her in for a tight hug. “Jan van Dijk!” she pushed him back and just stared at him. “…oh,” she muttered, pulling her shirt down just a little bit. “I see…”

 

“I know I shouldn’t feel this way.” She looked down at the ground, nodding her head. “But… I don’t know. I was just so _jealous_ when you told me you were having _his_ baby. Like… I felt it should be mine.”

 

He had started to invade her personal bubble and she shook her head. “Jan, we’ve discussed this… you and I were always just friends. That’s all we’ve ever been. High school emotions aside, we would have never worked out…”

 

“Is it wrong to say I was stupid?” he asked. Jan’s large hands ghosted her hips. “I should’ve taken you to prom that year. But no. I let Lukas do it because at that point in time, you had fallen so hard for him and I didn’t realize how much you meant to me.”

 

He lowered his head and touched their foreheads together. “I’ll always be here for you… whether you need your best friend… or maybe something more…”

 

Her breath hitched and she gulped. “Thanks, Jan. I love you too… just… not like that…”

 

“Hey guys! Let’s go!”

 

“Yeah! Jake just threw up in the baby swing.”

 

“Shut up!”

 

Jan released her hips and turned away. “I guess I’ll have to deal with the fact that _he_ has your love.” The Australian tackled Jan and they began to wrestle.

 

“Be careful!” Mathilde shouted. Kiet came up behind her and grabbed her shoulders, stumbling over. “Dammit, Kiet! You don’t do that to someone who’s five months pregnant!”

 

“Sorry Thilde!” the Thai laughed, watching Jan pick up Jake and throw him over his shoulder. “Better hope he doesn’t vomit all over you, Janny!”

 

“Shut up, fucker.” They all began to walk back to the car, and Mathilde pushed her friend’s behavior to the back of her mind.

 

*** * ***

 

Lukas was jolted awake by the door opening and sighed in relief. “Hey, you’re home.” Smiling he stood up and pressed a kiss into her temple, snaking his hand onto her rounding stomach. “How was it?”

 

“It was great until Kiet fell down his porch steps and woke your brother up.”

 

“How’d that go?”

 

“Kiet’s sleeping on the couch for a couple days.” Turning towards him, she asked, “You didn’t try to stay up for me, did you?” He shrugged, and she swatted his arm. “You should know I always stay out late with them.”

 

“Any deep conversations tonight?”

 

She froze, biting her lip. She decided to forgo the whole Jan event and made up some things about Jake. She mentioned of the whole adoption issue between the Thai and Emil, all while Lukas was making coffee for himself.

 

“Nothing new in Jan’s life?”

 

“No.” Her deadpan answer drew his attention. “Nothing’s new in Jan’s life.” He didn’t question it and assumed that the Dutch male was still sour over the whole pregnancy thing. “And obviously, nothing new in ours.”

 

Lukas turned, shrugging again and began, “You know… Monday we figure out the gender.” She squealed and he kept a stone cold expression. “…and I was thinking… since you’re halfway done with the pregnancy…”

 

“You’re going to tell me now?”

 

“No,” he flatly said and her face fell. “I was thinking… I should… tell my mom.”

 

“Or that.” Mathilde grumbled and stood up. “I’m going to bed. We can discuss this tomorrow.”

 

“I want to go alone.”

 

“Fine by me.”

 

“You’re mad.”

 

“Maybe.” She stomped into the room and slammed the door. Lukas sighed and dumped the cup of coffee into the sink and walked over to the couch, stretching out and falling back to sleep.

 

*** * ***

“I don’t get it!” Mathilde had decided to visit Emil and Kiet that Sunday.

 

“It’s Lukas, what’s to get?”

 

“I think it’ll help him if he talks to Ingrid,” Kiet was currently getting dressed in his work outfit, buttoning his white shirt. “If the source of these problems are what I think they are, then it will probably help him if he talks with his mother.”

 

“And since when were you the psychiatrist?” Emil chided, kissing his lover’s cheek before turning back to Mathilde. “Kiet thinks this has something–.”

 

“A lot.”

 

“Okay, _a lot_ to do with his father.”

 

Mathilde had suspected it all along, but even with Kiet’s trained eyes for spotting people with “daddy issues” it just wasn’t enough to convince her to bring it up herself. That and the subject of Marcus Bondevik had always been off limits to anyone and everyone.

 

She remembered in the eighth grade when he finally broke down and told her what happened after one of his many anxiety attacks. After that she never brought it up and he never mentioned it again. Sure, Mathilde knew the loss of a father, but Mads Densen was not a good father like the Norwegian man was.

 

“Well, thanks for listening anyway.” Mathilde stood up and reached for her coat. Kiet also grabbed his and pushed up his glasses, walking out of the house with her in silence.

 

“What happened between you and Jan Friday night?”

 

Mathilde bit her lip, afraid that this would happen. “He told me he was jealous…”

 

“Of Lukas?”

 

“Kind of,” she mumbled, opening her car door. The Thai looked down and bit his lip. “I don’t know. Maybe he was high?” Kiettisuk shrugged, glancing up. His expression explained everything. “He was just acting really strange. I’ve never felt so uneasy about him.”

 

“Uneasy?”

 

“Well… that’s an overstatement. Unsure is a better word.”

 

“Do you like him?”

 

“As a friend,” she mumbled. “And only as a friend. I love him like my brother. Lukas… Lukas… I love him so much more than that…”

 

“Well, then there you go.”

 

Kiet walked over to his own car and Mathilde got into hers, driving away. Still, she couldn’t help but feel slightly off about the whole situation are hand. Whether or not Jan’s emotions were a passing thing stuck in her mind, but they were far down on the list of complications she was facing.

 

The impending arrival of the baby and Lukas were at the top of those lists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say. This has been complete for a while now. I just haven't had enough internet connection to get it up, dammit...


	9. Ingrid's Input

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gender is revealed, Lukas talks with his mom, and a baby shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ingrid Thomassen - Lukas and Emil's mom.  
> Lien Nguyen - Vietnam  
> Julchen Beilschmidt - Fem!Prussia

** The Silence Is Loud **  
_Ingrid’s Input_

“So, I guess you’re both ready to find out the gender?”

 

Lukas’ thumb massaged Mathilde’s hand and he huffed, rolling his eyes. After sitting through thirty minutes of Yao cooing over how the baby was developing normally and everything seemed fine and how healthy it was, he was anxiously (impatiently) waiting to hear the gender.

 

“Yes!” Mathilde managed to squeak out, squeezing her beau’s hand tightly and watching the monitor, biting her lip. The Norwegian glanced over at her, watching the Dane try to suppress her excitement. Yao chuckled and looked over at the couple.

 

“I see a lot of pink in your future…”

 

Lukas felt the world stop turning and he exhaled, his cobalt eyes now staring at the black and white picture of what resembled a human child. A _baby girl_. From what he could see, she had curls and big eyes, almost a perfect representation of her mother. Sighing, he looked over at the Dane, whom was ecstatic.

 

“Baby Thea.”

 

“Sofie.”

 

“You don’t get a say!”

 

“It’s half of my DNA.”

 

“She.” Lukas had gotten so use to calling the baby ‘it.’ Smiling, he watched as Yao started to print out some photos for them and turned to his girlfriend. “I’ll have Tino and Emil help me with the room. I’ll start tomorrow. Is that alright?”

 

“Take your time,” she said, sitting up and placing a hand on her exposed stomach. “She’s not anxious to come out anytime soon.”

 

He leaned forward, pressing a light kiss onto her forehead. “I’m going to my mom’s after I get you home.” She frowned, not enjoying the fact he wanted to tell his mother without her there, but she didn’t tell him that.

 

“Tell her hi for me.”

 

Nodding, he took the envelope with the new pictures and they walked out, spending the rest of the time in silence.

 

*** * ***

 

“Lukas!” Opening the door, the shorter female embraced the man and smiled. Brushing his bangs aside, the straight haired female said, “It’s so nice to see you. How are you? How’s Mathilde?” Stepping inside he removed his light jacket, tossing it to a nearby chair.

 

“I’ve been good.” She walked into the kitchen, and he took a seat at the table. “Mathilde says hi. She’s doing pretty good…” She entered with two cups and set one down in front of him. Thanking her silently, Lukas took a sip of the hot chocolate and Ingrid smiled.

 

“Is something wrong, Luke?” Ingrid’s dark blue eyes settled on him, a frown outlining her features. “You’re acting off…”

 

“Mom,” he sighed, looking at his hands. “What did you do when you were just barely twenty and found out you were pregnant? What did you feel?”

 

She clicked her tongue, before responding, “That’s a pretty random question, Lu.”

 

“It’s relevant, just please answer it.” She sighed, the Norwegian woman bringing the cup to her lips. “I need to know.”

 

“I was scared,” she started, closing her eyes and sipping her drink. “I was unsure of how to feel. My family was unsupportive, and the father – _your_ father – I wasn’t going to see him for a majority the pregnancy.”

 

“How did he respond?” Lukas asked quietly. “…when you told him?”

 

“He just stared at me,” her hands trembled and Ingrid had to set he cup down. “He looked at me and asked if I could handle being alone with a baby while he was always gone.” Chuckling darkly, she mumbled, “Marcus was always so concerned for me. He’d send me money and gifts to make sure I was doing well.”

 

“You weren’t mad that he left you?”

 

“He didn’t really leave me,” Ingrid opened her eyes, looking at her son. “I left him. Sure, we weren’t together because all his touring and the fact my family wanted nothing to do with him since he was never there for you or me. It took a toll. I was sick and tired of waiting. And I thought I fell in love with Stefan.”

 

He nodded, and he knew what followed after that.

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

He looked up and frowned, his eyes glued to hers. “Mathilde’s pregnant. It’s a girl.”

 

“Oh.” She looked away.

 

“Oh?” he clenched the glass cup. “Oh? I’ve been dreading this since we found out. I’ve been thinking of all the things you would say to me. I’ve stressed about this moment and freaked out my girlfriend multiple times, and all you can say is ‘Oh.’”

 

“Well, you’ve been dating her for six years.” Ingrid groaned as her son huffed loudly. “I just wish you’d get _married_ first.”

 

“We weren’t even planning on having kids,” he frowned. “I’m not sure if I even _want_ to be a father. I mean… the little things… like today when I heard I was having a girl or hearing her heartbeat… they make me want to be there… but I don’t want to be a fuck up… I have no idea how to be a father.”

 

“…”

 

“What?” Lukas inquired.

 

“You will never be a bad father,” Ingrid breathed. “Your father… he may not have been around… but if I hadn’t given up… he would’ve been. He loved you more than life itself and he always told me. He hated watching you grow and have another man playing father in his spot.”

 

He didn’t respond.

 

“You truly aren’t sure if you want to raise this kid?”

 

“Yes,” he croaked.

 

“If you should have learned _anything_ from your father,” Ingrid reached for his arm. “It should be that you don’t want to watch the people you love be with someone else. I know you love Mathilde so much… and later you’ll realize the baby… you’ll love her too.”

 

The conversation ceased and the Norwegian male left, less than unsure on what he wanted to do.

 

*** * ***

_Six weeks later…_

 

“Yo! Thilde!” An albino female stood outside the door, pounding on the screen and causing a ruckus. “Open up! I wanna hang with you!”

 

The door flew open and the red eyed female smirked. “Julchen?” the Dane asked, and practically pounced on her. “I thought you were in Europe with Toni and Frani!”

 

“We came back,” the German smirked, placing a pale hand on the rounding stomach. “And what is this? Mathilde Freja Densen has a bun in the over!” Laughing, she shook her head. “Unbelievable. A chick leaves for Europe and everyone gets knocked up.”

 

“It’s just me.”

 

“And Birgitta and Lizzie…”

 

“Really?” Mathilde led Julchen into the house. “Elizabeta is pregnant again?”

 

“I think so,” her friend shrugged. “That or she’s a bigger bitch than usual. But hey, Anya says we can come over and she’ll make food for us! Let’s go! I haven’t had her homemade pizza since I left!” Mathilde laughed, grabbing her coat and purse.

 

“Lukas!” she shouted, walking into the nursery. Sitting on the floor was the Icelander, trying to help screw the legs into the crib. “Julchen’s here, so I’ll be out with her for a while.” Turning around from the walls, he nodded.

 

“Okay, see you later.”

 

“Bye!” she waved and walked back to her German friend. “Alright, I’m ready.”

 

*** * ***

 

“Anyway, so while in Europe…”

 

Opening the front door, the German removed her boots and looked at the Dane. “Why is it so dark?” Mathilde asked, reaching for the light switch. The moment it flipped on, she was met by a few female nations sitting around the coffee table, a banner hung from the ceiling, reading, “IT’S A GIRL!” in pink bubble letters.

 

“Anya!” the dirty blonde chuckled, walking over to the tall Russian. “I told you I didn’t want one!”

 

The Swede sat by Erika Vogel, rolling her eyes. “Just accept the damn party.” Mathilde took a seat next to her stepsister and embraced Birgitta. “Just so you know, I lost money on you. Anya and I were betting on the gender.”

 

“Thanks, Gitta. Love you too.”

 

After sitting around and chatting, they shoved the gifts at Mathilde, forcing her to open and accept them. “You guys… really?” Although she had been pretty well met with supplies, things like clothes and extra diapers were received, as well as various books, toys, and blankets. “You didn’t have to do this.”

 

“I wanna hear about the nursery!” Anya chimed up. Lien, the Vietnamese female, looked up from her slice of pizza and nodded.

 

“Kiet says it’s coming along nicely.”

 

“It is,” she began. “We used like a really subtle pink for the walls and it’s kind of like a princess theme. I don’t know, Lukas said it had to be.” Birgitta pushed her glasses up, knitting her brows together. “Said my daughters would be spoiled rotten princesses.”

 

“So, he’s staying?”

 

The room grew quiet and Mathilde worried her lower lip. “Well… he hasn’t told me… if he is… but I think he kind of wants to… he told me his mom was cool with it…”

 

“So still undecided?” Birgitta questioned. Mathilde nodded and Anya steered the conversation away from that. By the end of the party, everyone had drawn pictures of what they wanted the kid to look like and all tried to convince Mathilde to name it after them or something else.

 

*** * ***

Emil had left hours ago and Mathilde was still out. Lukas sat quietly on the floor of the nursery, admiring the work he had done. It was pretty much done. Emil was going to get the shelves and chest set up and stop by tomorrow.

 

It was perfect for a child.

 

All it was missing was the baby.

 

He frowned, the ever lingering thought of his daughter always crossing his mind. “How am I going to… to be a father?”

 

His hands shook.

 

“My mom said… but…”

 

He still was unsure. He was afraid. Either way he saw it, he was afraid of ruining the baby’s life. If he stayed, what if his lingering hatred for children interfered with his ability to have a healthy relationship? But if he left… he’d be just like his father.

 

His breathing became shallow and he pushed the thought from his head, standing up and heading to his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S LATE. CLIFFHANGER.


	10. In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight breaks out... actually more like several fights... and Francis tells Lukas a bedtime story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeanne d'Arc is not suppose to be an exact copy of the actual historical figure.  
> Lewis Kirkland - Scotland

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_In Love_

Julchen and Mathilde returned home before six that evening, and Mathilde opened the door, noticing something was off in the house. “Lukas?” she asked, removing her shoes and jacket before entering. The German entered behind her, looking around. “I’m home!”

 

A door was closed and footsteps approached them, and there was Lukas.

 

With a _suitcase_.

 

“Lukas?”

 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers. “I can’t… I just can’t… just…”

 

“What the hell?” she shoved him away, almost losing her own balance. Julchen caught her and frowned, eyeing the Norwegian and keeping silent. “So… just like that, huh?” The light blond male nodded, adverting his eyes from her glare. “Just gonna walk out on me?”

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

“Like hell you are!” Mathilde lunged forward, but the albino held her back. “Let me go!”

 

“Mathilde, please,” Julchen whispered. “Let it go.”

 

“Where are you going to go?” Mathilde asked, watching Lukas walk around them and toward the front door. “You can’t stay with your brother. Your stupid pride won’t let you! And last time I checked, you didn’t have anyone you could stay with!”

 

“Francis is letting me crash at his place until I figure out what I’m doing.”

 

He reached for the handle and opened the door. Mathilde turned away from him and began to walk into the kitchen, mumbling, “I should’ve listened to Jan. You _were_ too chicken shit. To think I wanted to have a family with you! I guess it just proves that you didn’t feel the same…”

 

“Don’t you _ever_ fucking stay that!” Slamming the suitcase down on the ground, Julchen shrieked and looked down, biting her lip.

 

“You didn’t even have the fucking decency to tell me until you were going to walk at the door!”

 

He paused, mumbling, “Just like my _father_.”

 

“No,” Mathilde turned her back to him, before keeping her voice low and calm. “Your father was a man. You’re a fucking _pussy_. You are _not_ like your father.”

 

He picked up the suitcase.

 

“And it’s high time you fucking _realize_ it.”

 

Slamming the front door shut, Julchen stood in silence, waiting for Mathilde to say something, but it didn’t happen. Looking at the shaking figure, she walked over and hugged her from behind. “Call Jan.” Nodding, the ruby eyed female left the room and placed the call.

 

Mathilde wiped her eyes and stared at the countertop.

 

“Fuck, Lukas…”  
  


She let her tears freely fall when Julchen wrapped her arms around her waist for a hug.

 

*** * ***

 

“You can stay here as long as you like,” the blond Frenchman smiled, his wavy hair drenched from his shower. “I don’t mind. If it takes you a week or a year, you’re welcomed to stay!”

 

The Norwegian set his suitcase on the floor in the spare room in the penthouse, nodding. “Thank you,” he whispered, deciding to let his pride not cause his actions. Not like he had any left after the whole blow out with Mathilde, who was probably seeking comfort from Jan. “I’d like to get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

 

Francis nodded and closed the door. Lukas sighed and fell back onto the large, comfortable bed. This would probably be the first time in years he would sleep alone. He frowned, wondering if Mathilde was going through the same issue or if she was happily curled up with that stupid Dutch asshole.

 

 _Jan van Dijk_.

 

He gritted his teeth. Jan and him had met in the second grade when the Dutch transferred to the school after being thrown out of his old one. Mathilde was quick to befriend him due to their similar interests, but Lukas – who might have been slightly stuck up – hated him.

 

In all honesty, Lukas saw Jan van Dijk as a threat.

 

She had been okay friends with Jake Walters, the Australian boy a year younger than them, but she was not _best_ friends with him. Jan had somehow become her _best_ friend, and even with her reassurance that they were _super best_ friends, it made him fearful.

 

In the seventh grade, Lukas remembered Mathilde telling him how amazing Jan was. She said she had fallen for him and Lukas went home almost sobbing that day.

 

In the eighth grade, Lukas remembered Jan and Kiet getting into a fight. That was the ONLY time he liked Kiettisuk Sripuy. Jan had said he liked Mathilde, but not in that way, but agreed to go to the dance as dates anyway. Kiet had told him if he was only going to use her to make Chiara Vargas jealous, then he needed to “get his shit together.”

 

Needless to say, Jan was _unhappy_. Mathilde tried to date him all of freshman and half of sophomore year, then something changed. There was a shift in energy and suddenly, he found himself falling for her. And much to his luck, she fell right back.

 

Jan had this competition in orchestra with Lukas, and they both used to play tennis, which made their rivalry worse. Yet, there was always the true reason why they couldn’t get along, and it was because they both wanted Mathilde Densen.

 

Jan denied his feelings and told her they’d be nothing more than friends. Lukas knew that was bullshit. It had been bullshit since freshman year and he knew it.

 

To think that Jan wasn’t going to try to make a move in Lukas’ absent would be idiotic – Lukas knew _damn_ well with himself out of the picture for now, Jan would try his hardest to get close to Mathilde. Whether or not she let him, Lukas was unsure.

 

The door opened and the glow of the television lit his room. “You’re still up, _mon ami_?”

 

“I can’t stop thinking about…”

 

“Julchen said she was a mess when she left.”

 

“I know,” Lukas mumbled, sitting up and switching his lamp on. “I… I don’t know. Either way I looked at it, I was a burden to her and the baby…”

 

“Mathilde never thought that.”

 

“It’s better for her.”

 

“I once lost my true love,” Francis’ accented voice was filled with sorrow as he seemed to go back to another place. “Remember Jeanne d’Arc?”

 

“Didn’t everyone call her Joan?” Lukas inquired. “She was a beast at volleyball and was part of our junior high rival team.”

 

“I was madly in love with her.” His crystal blue eyes darkened and he sighed. “There was not a woman in the world who could make me smile. We were young. We were stupid. But we were happy. She was dying of a disease and told me she’d be gone before I was even a freshman. She lived until we were sophomores, but her time came in the winter. She said I would love again…”

 

He cracked a half smile, before muttering, “But I would never love anyone like I loved her. Not even Lewis.”

 

Lukas did not respond or move. It sounded like a story he heard before. Two people meet, fall in love, and one of them dies. “Don’t give up on true love, Lukas,” Francis whispered. “You’ll never know when it’ll leave you.”

 

Turning on his heels, he then remarked over his shoulder, “Oh, and Lukas?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“If you ever need to talk to someone about fathers…” the Frenchman began to walk away. “Kiet Sripuy is always listening. Even if you despise him, he’s always lending an ear.”

 

Lukas remembered how that summer following Francis’ sophomore year, had rumors flew he had slept with not only Arthur’s hotheaded brother, but the Thai male as well. Lukas huffed and pulled the covers over his body, finally finding sleep before his alarm went off.

 

*** * ***

 

Mathilde’s blue eyes were puffy and red from all the crying. Jan sat next to her, his arm slung around her shoulders affectionately, and his dull green eyes narrowed in thought. “You were so much better than him. You deserved the best.”

 

Frowning, she shook her head. “He was in a league of his own. How could he…?” The Dane bit her thumbnail, but said nothing. “I love him so much…” Jan flinched, noticing how every time she said _love_ , it was never in the past. It was always the present.

 

The Dutch man ran his thumb over her cheek and breathed, “But he didn’t love you enough to stay.”

 

“It hurts. It hurts _so_ much!” she turned her back to him and punched a nearby pillow. “It hurts to have someone you love so much just shut you out for months, refusing to let you help. Then they just walk out. He said he’d pay child support, but… I want him _here_! We could be broke as fuck and I’d still want him here.”

 

“You never deserved someone like Lukas Thomassen,” Jan insisted. “Uptight ass who was just a selfish brat. You deserved so much better…”

 

“…you?” she growled, clenching her fist.

 

“I didn’t even _deserve_ to be your friend.” He pressed his lips onto the back of her neck. “You were beautiful, kind, and popular. I was an outcast, unattractive, and kind of a jerk. Everyone loved you. Yet, you were unattainable.”

 

“Jan, just… no.” She frowned, trying to push him away. His lips left a trail of kisses until he reached her collar bone. “I’m sorry, but… you said it yourself…”

 

“I was being stupid.”

 

“But I _love_ Lukas!” she turned away and shoved him back. “You’ll _always_ be my best friend. You will. I promise.”

 

“After all he’s done to you?” Jan hissed, taking her wrists. “All the pain he caused you as children, all the things he said to you and about you in high school. Need I remind you about college? When he said he would never _marry_ you?”

 

“That’s a personal choice he made to himself, and I respect that. You can be happy and committed without being married.”

 

“You cried over him,” Jan yelled, his hands moving up to her shoulders. “You _bled_ over him,” he mentioned and she looked down. Mathilde always tried to suppress that memory. “And now, when he runs out on you – especially when you’re pregnant – you’re telling me you still _love_ him?”

 

Before Mathilde could retort, Jan smashed his lips into hers. She shrieked at the sloppy kiss and pushed him away instantaneously. “Who was the guy, no matter how many times I was shitfaced and called for a ride, would show up and stay with me to make sure I was okay?”

 

Jan watched her stand up and walk over to a shelf of pictures, reaching for one of Lukas and herself at Birgitta and Tino’s wedding. “Who was the guy who came to every recital, every competition, and bought me flowers, no matter how expensive, for every performance I was in?”

 

“Who said they didn’t believe in marriage, but gave me this ring,” she held up her left hand, “and told me that I was the only girl worth marrying? Who never insulted me for being able to kick it with the guys better than hanging with the girls? Who, after every fight I had with _anyone_ – himself included – would sit there with me all night at the park, and sing to me?”

 

“Who stuck with me through most of my pregnancy?” she held the picture close to her chest. “Who helped with the nursery? Who was there to make me eat, even when I didn’t want to? Who was there to worry about me, even if he wouldn’t admit it? Who took me to most of my appointments?”

 

“Lukas!” Jan screamed, standing up and pacing the room. “Lukas, Lukas, Lukas! It was _always_ him! I **FUCKING** GET IT!”

 

She flinched and Jan inhaled, trying to calm his anger. “I’m sorry, I was just… I could’ve done those things… you know?”

 

“But you didn’t,” Mathilde stated, setting the picture down. “You had to be asked. Lukas, even _before_ we started dating, was doing those things and more for me. No one asked him too. No one _expected_ him too. He just did them.”

 

Jan frowned and shook his head.

 

“You’re my best friend,” she insisted. “You’ll always be my best friend. I love how we can have so much fun and I love you… but do you see where I’m coming from? I’m **in** love with Lukas. One little word makes such a difference, but it’s true… and you know… I want you to be the baby’s godfather…”

 

“I’m still staying here,” his gruff voice mumbled. “So you don’t do anything stupid.”

 

Holding up her arms, she chuckled. “I haven’t cut in years.”

 

“Yeah, well… you’re an emotional, pregnant wreck. I don’t trust you.”

 

Shaking her head, she hugged him. “Good night, Jan.”

 

“Hm,” he replied. “Night, Thilde.” He returned the hug, watching he walk back to the bedroom. He frowned, laying back down on the sofa, and closing his eyes. Even if she wasn’t _in_ love with him, he could eventually accept that. What he couldn’t accept was that Lukas was getting off scotch free on her end.

 

He growled, but drifted off to sleep, dreams of what he would say and do to the Norwegian filling his head.

 

Dreams he _intended_ on turning into reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy sarcastic summary, Batman. UHM I KIND OF LIKE THIS CHAPTER. Which is rare. And uhm.. yeah.
> 
> So will Jan REALLY kick Lukas' ass? We don't know. BUT WE DO KNOW CHRISTMAS IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER... wait what?


	11. Respect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is approaching. Lukas struggled to get a gift, Mathilde struggles with conflicting emotions, and Kiet finally gets to put his two cents in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chiara Vargas - Fem!Romano  
> Mentions of Portugal.

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Respect_

It would be Week 33 for Mathilde, and Christmas was next week.

 

Lukas was still living with Francis, though he’d long ago accepted that. The man was not all that bad, and he had already gotten him a little something for the holidays. Sitting at his desk, with finals starting tomorrow, he had been busy getting caught up with grades.

 

Yet, his thoughts drifted back to his pregnant (ex?)girlfriend. He had been at a lost on what to get her for the holidays – all this time apart had gotten to him – and now he felt like it was Valentine’s Day during junior year once again.

 

He clenched his pencil and sighed, finishing up the last of his grades and slamming his laptop shut. He heard a knock at his door and saw the Italian music teacher leaning against the doorframe. “Hey, Lukas,” the dark haired female quirked an eyebrow as he rubbed his temples, removing his glasses. “Long day?”

 

“I just want it to be break,” he mumbled. “How are you, Chiara?”

 

Chiara shrugged her shoulders, tightening her coat. “I’m doing fine. My boyfriend’s an idiot.”

 

“The usual,” Lukas replied, grabbing his coat and shoving everything into his work bag. “What are you giving Toni for Christmas?” he asked, and the Italian rolled her eyes, watching him walk over to her and lock the door as they stepped out of the room.

 

“Nothing,” she snorted. “He deserves coal for being an ass ache. I hear you’re having a hard time finding something for Mathilde?” He froze and she swallowed hard. “I’m sorry… I tend to forget…”

 

“Francis?” Lukas breathed, and Chiara nodded, hazel eyes on the tall Norwegian. “Go figure. But yeah… I’m struggling…”

 

“I know a guy who can help.” Pulling out a piece of paper, she scribbled in neat, cursive the name of someone who sounded vaguely familiar and the address of a place. “He used to date Alice Kirkland. He’s a decent friend of Antonio’s and he does engraftments and such on jewelry in his shop. Tell him you’re there for a favor he owes for me and Toni, so get two things if you need to.”

 

The Norwegian nodded and he smiled, accepting the piece of paper. “Thanks, Chiara!”

 

“No problem,” she waved it off, rolling her eyes again. “I wasn’t going to use my favor and Toni doesn’t need to use his. You need it way more than he does.”

 

She walked off without another word and Lukas sighed, examining the piece of paper once more.

 

*** * ***

 

Birgitta closed her eyes for a brief moment before she realized she was standing up. “Hey, Gitta? Pass me the sugar, please.”

 

They were in Mathilde’s kitchen, the Dane currently working on cookies to bring to various staff parties she had, and Birgitta frowned. “How have you been?” The Swede knew that often times the Dutch man would stop by and stay with her stepsister, but Mathilde was mostly on her own these days.

 

“It’s getting harder to do certain things, but… I’m fairing well.” She laughed, pouring the sugar into a bowl and mixing it with the dough. “I mean… I still miss him… so much…”

 

“Are you okay with him being invited to Emil and Kiet’s Christmas party?”

 

“If I did, it doesn’t matter,” muttered Mathilde. “Lukas _is_ Emil’s brother. I have no say in that.”

 

“But do you really want to see him?” Birgitta asked, stepping back from the counter and closing her eyes, rubbing her stomach. “I mean…”

 

Mathilde licked her lips. “I kind of _want_ to, but I know we won’t speak to each other. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear I’m healthy and so is the baby…”

 

“Are you naming it Thea?”

 

She shook her head. “You’ve been pressing for that name since you found out you were pregnant! Thea Danica Densen…”

 

“I want to name it Sofie…”

 

Birgitta froze, eyes snapping open, a look that was a mixture between shock and disapproval crossing her face. “You _really_ miss him, don’t you?” Nodding, she looked down. “Sofie Danica Densen…” Forcing a smile, the Swedish woman finally said, “I like it.”

 

“Thank you,” she sniffled and began to place imperfect balls of cookie dough on the cooking sheet. “You know… we still have to find a name for your baby. What’s the gender?”

 

She looked down at her stomach, mumbling, “Boy. We’re naming him Erik.” Mathilde snorted, expecting nothing less of the world’s biggest daddy’s girl that was her stepsister. “I’m scared. I feel like… the baby’s health…”

 

“You’ll be fine… and so will Erik.”

 

Birgitta nodded, but still felt unsure. Right now, she just had to focus on staying completely healthy and making sure the baby was fine.

 

*** * ***

 

Two days later, Lukas found himself driving out to the gym where he knew the person he needed to talk to would be at. There were two cars there and it was almost half past nine at night, but his younger brother said he’d be there until a little before ten.

 

Opening the door, said younger brother was sitting in a chair, his Thai boyfriend by his side. “Point your toes, Allison!” Emil shouted, crossing his arms. “That turn was sloppy.” The music ended and Kiet, nudged his boyfriend. The Icelander huffed, forcing to smile at his brother.

 

“One moment, Lu,” he held up his finger and turned to the teen girl, discussing some things with her. Lukas watched them run it a couple more times before they called it a day and Allison left with her mom. Kiet was busy turning off the lights when Emil actually got around to talking to him.

 

“You need anything?” he asked, grabbing his heavy winter coat. Lukas peered around his taller brother, before nodding.

 

“Actually… I need to talk to Kiet.” The Thai looked over, tilting his head. Emil clicked his tongue, more vocal about the confusion than his boyfriend.

 

“Why? I mean… this is the first time…”

 

“I just need too.”

 

The Thai slipped on a pair of baggy sweat bands, running a hand through his spiky hair. “Alright, Lukas. I’m ready. We can go to that one coffee shop by my house.” Nodding, the Norwegian grabbed his keys from the table and Kiet kissed his boyfriend’s cheek. “I’ll be home soon, Emi.”

 

Placing a chaste kiss on Kiet’s lips, Emil replied. “Behave.”

 

“Don’t I always?” This earned a slap and the Thai laughed. “I will, I will. Love you.”

 

Emil rolled his eyes, before opening the door. “I love you too.” It shut and Kiet was beaming like it was a special moment. Lukas rolled his eyes, trying not to gag. The two left and met up at the coffee shop, and when they were seated with their drinks, the Thai spoke.

 

“I think I have a good idea why you decided to talk to me.”

 

“Please do say,” Lukas remarked, but Kiet didn’t even roll his eyes.

 

“You want to ask me questions about fathers, maybe get some advice about getting Mathilde back, but in the end you’re going to be stubborn and refuse to listen to me.”

 

…well, _damn_. Was he really _that_ predictable?

 

“Are you coming to the party next Monday?”

 

“Yeah,” Lukas mumbled, taking a sip of the steaming beverage.

 

“Are you going to disrupt everything?” Kiet asked, narrowing his eyes and pushing his glasses up. “Because Emil’s been in such a good mood. I don’t want anything to disrupt it.”

 

“He seemed like he was back to his old self.”

 

“We heard back from the other three agencies,” Kiet began, setting his cup down. “One of the two international ones rejected us, but the other one accepted our application and matched us with children immediately. The last American one put us on a waiting list to be matched with a child.”

 

Lukas quirked an eyebrow. “Really? That’s great. Congratulations. Have you decided on…?”

 

“I wanted this pretty girl from Tunisia, but Emil really wanted this little boy,” Kiet sighed, staring off into space. “He was Thai – go figure – and he’s pretty small. He’s about… two months? I think he was a premature baby, and they know for a fact his mother drank and did drugs during her pregnancy…”

 

Lukas sighed, shaking his head. “No wonder,” he muttered, not even trying to hide what he was implying. Kiet sighed, and Lukas bit his lip. “…but aren’t you afraid?”

 

“Afraid of what?”

 

“That… you’ll be like… your dad?” he mumbled, and Kiet rolled his eyes, chuckling. “I mean, I don’t know if you even _knew_ him like that…”

 

“You know,” Kiet snorted, “I was four when he walked out on my mom. My mom was dependent on him to fuel her addiction. He was the reason I was taken from her and placed into shit homes before they could actually locate family…”

 

“You’re not scared that you…?”

 

“Look, Lukas,” Kiet turned his head. “We all know the basic story: Marcus Bondevik was a star. Marcus knocked up your mom and couldn’t be there. She left him for Stefan. He put a bullet in his head. However, Marcus tried his hardest to provide for you like a father should. He didn’t _have_ to. He could’ve just said ‘Fine,’ when your mom left him…”

 

“They weren’t really together…”

 

“But they wanted to,” the Thai said. “Like you want to be with Mathilde. And no, Jan has not seduced her. She put the brakes on that the night _you_ walked out. If anything, you should be afraid of being like _my_ father.”

 

He frowned, and Kiet continued. “My dad showed up a week before graduation, thinking he could reinsert himself into my life. I told him no. He couldn’t come to accept the fact I liked other men. He called Emil a slut to his face and I lost it.” He leaned back, crossing his arms, a slightly amused look on my face. “That was one of my assault charges. I practically put him in the hospital after that.”

 

He smiled. “I would never be like him. I _can’t_ be like him… a father is suppose to love and accept their kids… he didn’t love me. He sure as shit didn’t accept me.”

 

Lukas had never heard _any_ of that. Emil had been rather secretive when it came to Kiet and his past, and Kiet never openly mentioned it.

 

“So, Lukas, are you going to be like your father: there, but not there? Or are you going to be like mine: arrogant, selfish, and unsupportive?” Clicking his tongue, the Thai hummed. “Or are you going to be Lukas Thomassen, and be there for your girlfriend and her baby?”

 

He knew what the answer should be.

 

And for the first time in a long time, he actually knew what he wanted.

 

“If anyone asks,” Lukas growled, “I did not come to you for advice. You wanted to ask me what to get Emil for Christmas.”

 

“Actually, I do need to ask you something,” Kiet tapped his chin, ignoring the empty threat. “You see… I kind of need help picking out a present so I don’t look like an ass in front of everyone. You see… Emil doesn’t know this… but we did apply to adopt the Thai boy… his name is Kasem. Emil’s a bit nervous… but…”

 

A playful smile crossed the Thai’s face and his gold eyes lit up.

 

“We were accepted, except he doesn’t know yet. I printed out the paperwork and filled out what I needed to. Then I bought us plane tickets to Thailand. We leave the twenty-eighth. I figured it’d be a nice surprise and it’d be a sweet little Christmas present.”

 

Lukas couldn’t help the smile that was making its way on his face, “That’s really… smart. I’d just get him some CDs of his favorite band or something, and then tell him he gets his real present later.” He resisted the urge to crush his empty Styrofoam cup. “Can you do me a favor?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can you hide Mathilde’s presents from me until Christmas Day? Then like, give them to her.”

 

He nodded, and smiled. “Yup, do you have them with you?”

 

“They’re in my car.”

 

“I’ll grab them before I leave.”

 

Lukas smiled, and although he would go back to hating him tomorrow, he had come to begrudgingly respect his brother’s boyfriend a tiny bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a filler. Why is it a filler, Darlene?


	12. Christmas Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve, and the party at Emil and Kiet's house causes awkward feelings and Jan to get mad.

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Christmas Day_

That Monday, Lukas arrived late to the Christmas party and found he was just in time for the gift exchange to start. He was greeted by Tino shoving a box into his chest, which contained an assortment of books he had been trying to get a hold of for a while.

 

“So, how are things going for you?” Lukas asked the Finn looking over at his wife. Tino smiled and began to gush how they were having a boy and how he was excited. He did not bring up the Norwegian’s ex or his child, and Lukas didn’t see her in the living room, so he excused himself so he could get a drink.

 

In the kitchen, however, the Dane was pouring herself a glass of water and turned around, her eyes widening before she was able to compose herself. “Hello, Lukas,” she muttered into her cup. He nodded, worrying his lip.

 

“Mathilde,” he acknowledged. “You look well.” She nodded and took a long gulp of her drink. “Have you been eating?”

 

“I don’t think you have the right to worry about me.”

 

“I still need to make sure you’re supporting yourself and the baby,” he stated, quirking an eyebrow. “Or has Jan been doing that for me?” She shot him a venomous glance and shook her head. “I know there’s nothing between you two. Kiet told me. But I need to make sure someone’s looking out for you.”

 

“Uhm, yeah,” she switched the glass to her other hand. “Excuse me.” Walking by him, she left him alone in the kitchen, and he groaned loudly. He grabbed a beer and walked out, visiting with a few people there. Lukas tried to ignore what had happened and began to talk to some of the people, occasionally stealing glances over at the Dane. He accepted his gifts as people came over and gave them and he gave out the few he had.

 

While talking with Eduard, the blond Estonian he knew from high school, he took a step back and bumped into someone. “Ah, sorry…” Turning around, the Norwegian’s eyes widened at the sight of a pissed off Jan van Dijk, his face red and eyes narrowed.

 

“So,” he snarled smashing the can in his hand. “You decided to show up and cause us more problems. I think you should leave…”

 

Kiet stepped forward, grabbing the Dutchman’s arm, shaking his head. “Let it be,” he whispered.

 

“No! This bastard,” he raised his voice and pointed his thick finger at Lukas. “Deserves _everything_ I’m about to do to him!” Lukas held up his hands and Jan lunged forward, his fist making contact with his chest. Eduard stepped back as Lukas hit the ground hard, kicking his legs to hit the Dutchman in the shins.

 

“Hey! Stay out of this!” Lukas shouted, watching him collapse to the floor. The Norwegian knew that the other man’s shins were weak due to soccer. “You have nothing to do with my decisions or Mathilde’s.” Pushing himself off the ground, he huffed, looking around the room. Jan forced himself up, taking a step closer to him and glaring down at the shorter Norwegian.

 

“How about we take it outside and settle it?”

 

“Like _hell_ you will!” Emil shouted from the kitchen, arms crossed. Kiet hissed and looked down at the floor. “Now, either you both behave or get your asses out of my house now.”

 

“Jan,” Mathilde warned from the corner she was standing in, her eyes on Lukas. “I told you not to go after him.”

 

“So he gets way with treating you like shit?”

 

“Now is not the time, Jan.” The man hissed and turned his back to Lukas. “You don’t _touch_ him.” She sent him a dirty look, and Jan looked behind him one last time. “If you _ever_ touch him, I’ll never speak to you again!”

 

“Even though he–?”

 

“We’ve discussed this, Jan! And now we’re ending this discussion!”

 

After things had cooled down, Jan left and people tried to ignore the obvious tension between the Dane and the Norwegian. They didn’t talk to each other and Mathilde didn’t even glance at him again. He would often gaze at her, spacing off any conversation he was in just to focus on her.

 

As the party was closing, Lukas was slipping his coat on and Mathilde stood next to the door, asking Emil a couple questions. “Bye,” the platinum blond said, his gaze glued to the dirty blonde female.

 

“Yeah… bye.” She sipped her water and glanced down at the floor. Lukas rolled his eyes and slammed the door shut behind him. Emil sighed and began to pick up various items on the floor, such as wrapping paper and ribbon.

 

“Are you staying here?”

 

“Yeah,” Mathilde mumbled, setting her glass down.

 

“What was that fight about?” the silver haired male asked, crossing his arms. Mathilde shook her head, throwing her arms up in defeat. “You know, I know it’s been rough for you, but last time I checked, Luke isn’t doing any better. He came to Kiet for advice over something…”

 

“He would _never_ do that.”

 

“He did!” Emil shouted. “Didn’t he Kiet?” The Thai entered the room, crawling under the Christmas tree and humming in confirmation. “What the hell are you doing?” the Icelander scolded and his boyfriend slid out from under the fake decoration, smirking. He waved an envelop around and Emil groaned, walking over and snatching it.

 

“I thought you’d like your _real_ present now, Emi.” Standing up, Kiet looked over at the Dane. “Oh, Mathilde, you’ve got a present for you and your kid too.”

 

The pregnant woman tilted her head. “From who?”

 

“I don’t know – someone must’ve put it there when we weren’t paying attention.”

 

She huffed and walked over to the tree, watching the Thai kneel down and hand her the large bag. Emil was busy reading through the letter and dropped it. “Kiettisuk Sripuy…”

 

“What is it?” the Dane asked and Emil handed her the letter, shaking. He pulled his boyfriend in for a tight hug. “Oh my God… you’re going to be dads!” she shouted, shaking with joy. “Oh wow… a little Thai boy… Kasem Sripuy… or would it be Steilsson?”

 

“Sripuy-Steilsson?” Kiet suggested. Emil laughed, kissing his forehead.

 

“Steilsson-Sripuy.” He sighed, his eyes filling with tears. “We’re going to be parents…”

 

“The tickets are in the envelope and we leave on Friday. We come back January 8th.” Kiet and Emil walked out of the room, discussing their plans and leaving the Dane alone in the living room. She sat down on their small sofa, carefully pulling the tissue paper from the bag, revealing a card with her name neatly printed on the front.

 

Opening it, she read the front, a lovey-dovey card that was typical. Sighing, she opened it, reading the cheesiest part of the card, before moving on to the handwritten part.

 

**_Mathilde_ ** _,_

_I love you. I know you probably are going to throw this out, ignore it and me, but I can’t live with the fact you won’t speak to me. I feel horrible about what I did. I was stupid. I got caught up in trying not to be like my father, I became something worse in the process…_

_I talked with Kiet. He helped me realize that if anything, I should strive to be like my dad. Obviously, not the suicide thing and leaving you alone party, but you get the point. I really, really, really want to be with you and the baby (whatever her name is). You two are the most precious things in my life and it took me so long to realize it. You’re my _

_I love you. I’m so sorry. I want to be with you and Baby Thea. Please, forgive me. Merry Christmas._

_Love,_

**_Lukas_ **

**_PS:_ ** _There’s also a gift for Thea._

She shook as she set the card down, reaching into the bag. After pulling out various baby clothes, she reached a small box, and opened it up. It was a small, toy piano for the baby. She worried her lip, sniffling. Setting it on the ground, she reached in and found a small, black velvet box.

 

Opening it, she examined the ring. It was a ruby, with one small diamond on each side of it. The band was engraved.

 

 _Mathilde Thomassen_ …

 

_Mathilde Thomassen._

Slipping it onto her ring finger, she smiled, admiring it through teary eyes. “He surely outdid himself.”

 

It took her awhile to realize she was crying until Emil sat down next to her and pulled her into a tight hug. Kiet watched from the doorframe that led into the kitchen, a pleasant smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm yeah this story is coming to a close soon.


	13. Babies Are Coming!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mathilde and Lukas finally reconcile. However, Birgitta is in the hospital and Kasem is fussy.

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Babies Are Coming!_

“It’s because she was a whore!”

 

“Language, Daniel,” mumbled Lukas, leaning against the podium in front of his classroom. It was now the second week of January and a Tuesday. The Norwegian had resumed some normalcy in his life since the Christmas party and had tried to take his mind off of the gift he had given Mathilde and how she would respond.

 

“But Mr. Thomassen!” whined the redheaded boy. Rolling his cobalt eyes, Lukas shook his head as all the sophomore kids began to talk at once, arguing amongst themselves.

 

“Class!” he shouted, but they did not quiet. He sighed, opening the book on the wooden stand and paging through it, before he realized they had grown silent as the door started to open. “Sure, you’ll all act lid rabid baboons for me, but the moment the principal walks through the door…”

 

“Hello, Luke.”

 

He froze, turning ghostly white. He turned, a heavily pregnant Danish woman standing in the doorframe. “Mathilde,” he nodded, gnawing at his lip.

 

“I was just wondering if you’ll be home early tonight?” she asked. She was carrying _his_ daughter proudly and her tone was calm and slightly playful. He gulped, turning to his class.

 

“Behave.” He walked over to her and led her into the hallway. “What is going on?” he hissed, shutting the door behind him.

 

“I want to see you,” she pouted, crossing her arms. “I haven’t seen my fiancé in about three months.” He tilted his head, before it hit him. Holding up her left hand, he clicked his tongue. “Did you forget?”

 

“No.” He tried to hide the smile that was forming. “I was thinking you were trying to get a restraining order for a while there.”

 

“So, we _are_ engaged?”

 

“If you _really_ want to be Mrs. Lukas Thomassen,” he said, trying to play it off.

 

“I was thinking you could be Mr. Mathilde Densen?” He snorted, and embraced her. “I love you.”

 

“I need to get my stuff from Francis’.”

 

“I’ll be home.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her hair and she nodded.

 

“I forgive you.” They broke their hug and she wiped her eyes. “You have a class to attend to.”

 

“I’ll see you later,” he kissed her lips quickly and opened the door. She sighed and shook her head, examining her engagement ring and smiling.

 

“Mrs. Lukas Thomassen,” she repeated to herself and practically swooned. “I could get use to that.”

 

*** * ***

 

Mathilde stood at the sink, washing dishes and singing quietly to herself. The baby seemed to be enjoying it, as she was kicking and moving around. “Hey, sweetie,” she whispered, looking down at her large stomach. “It’s mommy.”

 

The baby kicked her hard and she chuckled. “Oh… you’ve got those strong legs.”

 

She was busy daydreaming about whether her child would be athletic or not when her cell phone rang. Drying her hands, she reached for it and frowned. “What do you want, Tino?” she asked, rubbing her stomach.

 

Her face softened. “Wait… what?” she asked, biting her lip. “No… no… she’s only twenty-five weeks! Are you sure?” her voice cracked. She was positive her heart rate increased. “Tino, calm down! Get her to the hospital, now!”

 

She frowned, hanging up the phone and dialing the number of the Norwegian. “Hey, Lu. It’s me. Uhm… please hurry? I need to get to the hospital and I don’t want to go alone. Call me back soon.”

 

It took ten minutes before he returned her call. “What’s wrong?” he asked, and she heard him shoving his laptop into the bag that carried it. Looking out into the street, currently being covered in a fresh sheet of snow, she frowned.

 

“Birgitta’s going into labor.”

 

“Do you know for sure?”

 

“Just please hurry!”

 

He hung up and she shuddered.

 

*** * ***

The waiting room was bright. It was well lit and the walls were a clean white color. Mathilde sat in a chair and Lukas was trying not to pace too much nearby. A doctor walked by, and frowned. “You’re the family of Mrs. Väinämöinen?”

 

They nodded and the doctor sat down next to Mathilde. “You must be the stepsister?”

 

“How is she?” her sky blue eyes studied the woman next to her. “And what’s going on?”

 

“I’m Dr. Brown,” she held out her hand. “And as for your stepsister, she’s trying to play it off, but her condition is very serious. She _is_ in labor, but we are highly concerned due to her medical record and how early the baby is for their health.”

 

Lukas sat down next to her, taking her hand in his.

 

“Will they be okay?” he asked.

 

“She might be,” Dr. Brown’s blue eyes fell onto Lukas. “But… if anything… we don’t have high hopes for the survival rate of her baby.” Mathilde clenched her fists, squeezing Lukas’ hand too hard. He hissed and looked up at the doctor. “We’re sorry. Would you like to see her?”

 

“Yes,” Mathilde growled, standing up and dragging her boyfriend behind her, following the doctor into the room. Tino was sitting in a chair by her bed, his head hung low and cradled in his hand. Lukas gulped and his fiancée released his hand, walking over to the other side of Birgitta’s bed.

 

“Birgitta,” she whispered, and grabbed her hands. The Swede opened her eyes and smiled a weak smile, trying to sit up, but she groaned as she tried to sit up. “Oh my God…” she bit her lip. “I… I…” Tino sat up, stroking his wife’s face, telling her to relax.

 

“I’m fine,” she finally managed to mutter, and Lukas stood back, unsure of what to do or say. “I’m just scared for Erik…” She sniffled and the Finn shook his head. “We were discussing who should be saved if… it came down to that…”

 

“You’ll both be fine.” Mathilde’s voice was stern and she refused to let her younger sister talk like that. “I promise. You’ll have him and you’ll take him home. Babies are born earlier than this and live all the time!”

 

Birgitta gave a hallow laugh.

 

“Okay, whatever you say.”

 

After a few minutes, Dr. Brown reentered and asked that Mathilde and Lukas leave. Lukas nodded, tugging on the Dane’s arm and leading her out of the room. “She’ll be alright,” the dirty blonde tried to convince herself. “She will be.”

 

“Yeah,” Lukas frowned. “She will…”

 

*** * ***

 

“So,” stirring his coffee, the Icelander quirked an eyebrow. “Birgitta had her baby?”

 

“She was pushing when Tino called, but she might have to have a C-section.”

 

Sitting in the kitchen at the Steilsson-Sripuy house, Emil nodded, glancing into the living room, watching Mathilde coddle her nephew. “How are things with Kasem?” Lukas asked, looking over at the Dane. Emil shrugged, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

“It’s not easy. He’s always crying most of the night,” the silver haired man began. “Kiet’s been so much help though. I think he’s adjusting though, but he’s going to have a hard time when he’s older. We can already tell.”

 

The Norwegian questioned, “He’s awfully small.”

 

“He’s premature and he was pretty malnourished.”

 

“Ah…” They were interrupted by the tiny baby breaking into a howl and Emil smirked, walking over and taking his son back. “What does he want?”

 

“He just needs to cry,” the younger male explained. “I’m starting to figure him out. He howls when he just feels like crying. Plus, he gets like this when strangers hold him for too long.” Mathilde pouted and Kasem screamed again. “He’ll get used to you, I promise.”

 

“How was Thailand?” she asked watching as Emil began to bounce back and forth in an attempt to soothe the baby.

 

“It was gorgeous,” he smiled. “We stayed with his aunt, Cherry… which was a bit awkward but she’s nice.” Kasem grew quiet and Emil smiled. “It was a nice change from the wintry weather here. Kasem doesn’t like it, but… he’s pretty fussy in general.”

 

“I’m so happy you guys get to have your own family,” Mathilde smiled.

 

“Are you going to want more?” Lukas asked.

 

Emil shrugged. “He really wants a little girl. And I think we both want a larger family…” He chuckled and the bundle in his arms began to reach up. “Although it’s hard with Kiet’s hours… what do you want, Kas?” he laughed.

 

“Well, we better get going.” Mathilde slowly stood up and smiled. “I’ll see you soon. Bye, baby.” She pressed a kiss onto his forehead. Lukas waved goodbye to his brother and smiled. “Tell Kiet hi!”

 

“I will.”

 

As they walked to the car, Mathilde looked down at her stomach. “You know… everyone else has their babies… and I’m still waiting for Sofie!”

 

“Thea,” Lukas snorted.

 

“Okay, really?” she grumbled, getting into the passenger seat. “Can’t we find a name we agree on?” Lukas shrugged, and they rode in silence, Mathilde throwing out the occasional name and Lukas responding negatively.

 

“…well,” Mathilde rubbed her forehead. “What do you have in mind?”

 

“…” he grew quiet and looked over at the Dane.

 

“Lukas?”

 

“Klara.”

 

Mathilde pondered the name. “Klara Danica Thomassen…” she smirked. “I like it.” When they returned to their small home, and Lukas unpacked his bag, they turned into bed early.

 

“Hey baby,” she whispered, her hand on her stomach. “Your name is Klara. Do you like it?” Lukas was busy rubbing his hand up and down the bump when he felt something hit his hand. “Did you feel it?” she practically screamed, watching his lips curl into a small smile.

 

“Klara loves her name.”

 

Laying her head against his shoulder, she smiled. “So, you for sure want to keep him?” He inhaled sharply. “I mean…”

 

“I do,” he mumbled. “But… if she turns out to be a brat, you only get one kid.”

 

She gave a quick laugh. “Fine by me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I write chapters so late at night...?


	14. It's About Time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mathilde becomes moody and the baby is on her way! Also, Anya gets verbally abused.

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_It's About Time!  
_

Mathilde was anticipating the baby’s birth more than anything in her life right now. Not even the gloomy hospital visits with her ailing stepsister and her nephew fighting for survival could get her mind off of little Klara. If anything, it made her worry that something would happen to her during birth.

 

Lukas was a bit more edgy at school and everyone took note. Chiara had told some of their friends that Lukas was more spacey and less organized, something the Norwegian just _wasn’t_ by nature. He admitted he felt nervous when he was at school and Mathilde was at their house, alone and two weeks away from her impending due date.

 

He would leave school after any meetings, not bothering to stick around and do some grades. He would drive home and then take Mathilde up to the hospital to see Birgitta, who wasn’t getting any better, but was (thankfully) not getting any worse. Tino would then lead them down to NICU and show them his son, who was smaller than Kasem was when his fathers showed them the pictures when he was barely a week old.

 

“How did the whole labor thing go?” Lukas asked the Finn as they stood over the incubator like encasement, watching the little boy’s chest rise and fall unevenly. Indigo eyes were darkened by lack of sleep and he shrugged.

 

“We tried naturally, but her heart rate dropped quickly,” he began. “So they went into an emergency caesarian section, and after that she passed out. Erik was trying to scream, and they immediately took him here. They said it was a wonder how he was even attempting to cry, and that gives me hope he might pull through.”

 

“He’s just _so_ small,” Mathilde mused. The men nodded and the little boy moved. Tino put his hand in the rubber glove and gently began to stroke his son’s stomach. “Emil says that Kasem was just slightly bigger, and he seems to be doing fine. Plus, Kasem was born in a dirty house and left for dead, while Erik was treated immediately, so I’m sure he can get better.”

 

“Kasem was only born a month or two early,” Tino muttered. “Erik wasn’t due until early May.”

 

“You’re a pessimist,” the Dane stated, walking over to her husband and grabbing his hand. “We’ll stop by later with food for you. Lukas is making sandwiches tonight and I’m sure shitty hospital food is not all that filling.”

 

“Can you guys check in on Piper and Viktor?”

 

“Will do!” Mathilde waved and headed out, Lukas in tow.

 

“You really think Erik will live?”

 

His deadpan question was met by silence. She meekly nodded and the taller male sighed. He did not dispute this, and she did not elaborate any more on the idea. They both new it was something based on hope – very _thin_ hope.

 

Nevertheless, Mathilde was going to insist he would and that he would be the healthiest baby in the world.

 

*** * ***

 

She was getting anxious. Lukas had noticed a complete one eighty in her mood. The once happy, optimistic female was now easily upset and now viewed the glass as half-empty. The Norwegian could also not get her to eat, as she had become increasingly stubborn as the week progressed.

 

“If you don’t eat, then you won’t be healthy for the baby.”

 

“Don’t tell me what to do!” she shouted, crossing her arms and pushing the soup away from her. “I’m not hungry. I am getting sick just looking at it! This baby has _killed_ my appetite! I just want her out of me _now_.”

 

Lukas tried to encourage her to eat again, but in the end, he ended up sleeping on the sofa – something that had happened a lot this week. The morning after that, on Wednesday, Lukas yawned and was busy making breakfast when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him, a large bump pressing into lower back.

 

“Hey, sexy,” she muttered, nuzzling his back.

 

“You were cussing me out last night,” he told his fiancée. “What gives? Your acting way more pregnant now than you ever did during the actual pregnancy part.” Shrugging, the Dane hugged him tighter. “Would you like some breakfast?”

 

“Not hungry,” she mumbled into his shirt, inhaling. “Are you coming home early today?”

 

“I’ll be home after the meeting.” He turned around and pressed a gentle kiss onto her lips. “Okay? Then we can do whatever – depending on your mood, of course.” She nodded, pulling him back in for another kiss. Mathilde clenched the fabric of his shirt, and he placed his hands on her hips.

 

“I have to get ready for school.”

 

She broke the kiss and pouted. “Fine, if you _must_.” He chuckled and she walked over to the fridge, grabbing the gallon of milk and a glass. “But you owe me. Big time.” Lukas rolled his cobalt eyes and nodded, leaving her alone in the kitchen.

 

She felt a sharp pain in her back and jumped, spilling the milk all over the countertop and floor. “Damn baby…” she mumbled. “You’re going to mess up my back.” Baby Klara had always caused random back pains, so she thought nothing of it. After cleaning up the mess and seeing her fiancé off, she settled into the living room to read a book and prepare for Anya’s arrival.

 

*** * ***

 

Mathilde had been feeling uncomfortable all day. With small pains here and there, she began to worry. By the time afternoon rolled around, Anya had showed up and Mathilde confided in the Russian with her pains. “What if the baby’s dying?”

 

“…are you… going into labor?”

 

The Dane bit her lip and squawked out in pain. “I don’t know! Help me! Do _something_!”

 

“I’m going to take you to Yao-Yao’s office,” the pale blonde haired woman said, grabbing her coat and slipping on her boots. “Do you need me to get you anything, hon?”

 

“Fucking _pain_ killers.”

 

Laughing, Anya grabbed a few things lying around that she knew Mathilde might need and helped her get into her boots and coat. “Okay, I’ll call Lukas when we get there. Just relax and try not to think about it. So, you’re naming the baby what again?”

 

Leading her to the car, the Russian’s violet eyes settled on the Dane, who hissed in discomfort. “It’s about to be named Shithead if it doesn’t stop killing me!”

 

“Mathilde.”

 

“Okay, fine,” she groaned. “We decided on Klara. We both liked the name and…” she let out a wail and Anya flinched. “You’re driving to slow.”

 

“It’s icy. I’m already going five over.”

 

“I swear to God, Anya–!” Screaming loudly, she began to pant and hiss in anger and frustration. The poor Russian frowned and began to speed up a little bit. She was trying to decide which was worse: was it getting in a car accident was or getting screamed at and maimed by a pregnant Dane?

 

Anya decided either one was going to be the death of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD THIS WILL BE OVER IN TWO CHAPTERS.
> 
> /dies
> 
> Enjoy?


	15. Klara Danica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The birth finally happens! Aren't we excited?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAD BIRTH SCENE, YADA YADA YADA. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_Klara Danica_

“New books in general would be nice.”

 

Lukas had stayed after the meeting for a couple minutes to discuss with the principal some things the English department needed. His phone had been on silent the entire time and he didn’t check it once during the duration of the short meeting.

 

He reached into his pocket, fishing out the cellular device and froze.

 

Eleven missed calls.

 

Two text messages.

 

He unlocked the phone and saw that more than half of them were made from an unknown number, and the other half was dead split between Anya’s cell and Mathilde’s cell. He excused himself and left the room, calling back the Russian woman.

 

“Anya?”

 

_“Where are you?”_

“I was in a meeting.”

 

“ _Hospital, now,”_ the voice demanded. _“Childbirth Ward, floor five.”_

“Wait… now?” he gasped, pulling on his coat. “She’s not due for another two weeks!”

 

“ _Less than two weeks, she’s fine. Get your ass up here_ now.” The Russian hung up and he panicked, sprinting all the way down the hall and towards his car.

 

*** * ***

 

“Can you please tell me what room Mathilde Densen is in?”

 

“I’m sorry, but who are you?”

 

Standing at the front desk, Lukas groaned and rubbed his temples. “I’m her _fiancé_. I think I have a right to see her when she’s about to give birth to my child.”

 

“Oh yes, Miss Braginskaya said you were coming. She’ll be right back and she’ll lead you there. Please, have a seat.” He groaned, plopping down in the chair and frowning, holding his head in his hand. He watched various people go by and tried to focus on something other than the anxiety he was secretly going through.

 

“I need to see Mathilde Densen,” a voice echoed, and Lukas glanced at the front desk. It was Jan, with Kiet standing behind him in a large, white coat.

 

“How are you related to the patient?”

 

“He’s the godfather and her best friend,” Lukas chimed in from his seat, watching Kiet turn to smile at him. “And Dr. Sripuy is my… brother-in-law.” Jan growled, turning on his heels and shaking his head. The Thai walked over to the empty chair next to him and sat down.

 

“I’ll have to ask Miss Braginskaya if they can see her.”

 

“So,” Jan hummed, crossing his arms. “Looks like you failed to be there for her again. You’re probably lucky Anya was gonna be there. What’s next? Failing to show up for  the _wedding_?”

 

“Sorry I have a job and can’t sit at home high off my ass all the time.”

 

“Guys,” the Thai doctor spoke, adjusting his glasses. “Now is _not_ the time.”

 

“I hope you intend to finish this, Lukas.” The Norwegian stood up. “Because it’ll be a shame to put you in the hospital the same day your girlfriend is giving birth. Mathilde won’t be happy.”

 

“She won’t be pleased to hear you’re trying to start shit with me in the waiting room.” Lukas held up his hand. “I’m letting you stay in her life. I’m letting you sit there and criticize me. I’m letting you be the godfather to _my_ daughter. Don’t push your boundaries. You may be her best friend, but you’re _not_ welcomed in my life.”

 

Jan didn’t speak and walked across the room. Anya arrived and led the three men back to the room, happily chatting with Kiet in an attempt to cover up the silence that would follow and the tension mounting between the Dutchman and the Norwegian.

 

*** * ***

 

“You’re almost fully dilated.” Yao smiled at the Dane, who was laying in the bed comfortably. “You’re very lucky. Most women have to wait hours. You’ll be ready to deliver before eight tonight.” She sighed in relief, squeezing Lukas’ hand. “I’m sure you’re both very anxious to meet your daughter.”

 

Nodding, they smiled and Yao left the room for a brief minute. Kiet had left moments earlier to return to work and Anya was busy grabbing drinks for everyone else in the room. Jan laid on the sofa, frowning and glaring at Lukas.

 

“Thanks for being here, Jan,” Mathilde smiled at him. He shrugged. “I’d prefer you here than my family… although I pictured Birgitta here. Have you heard anything else about her?”

 

Lukas shook his head. “Although I did call Tino and tell him. He told me that Erik was… doing better. However, there are some… concerns.” Jan looked over and Lukas explained, “Birgitta was due in May. She gave birth… last week? Maybe two weeks ago now.”

 

“That early?”

 

“She shouldn’t have had kids,” Mathilde mumbled. “But she’d never want to get rid of it. We thought things were going normally until Tino called me one day and said she had gone into labor.” She frowned. “I’m just lucky the baby is coming so close to her due date… she’s just like her father – better to be early than late.”

 

“Yeah.” Jan’s deadpanned response caused Mathilde to quirk an eyebrow. “Don’t the contractions hurt?” he changed the subject and Mathilde threw him a goofy smile.

 

“I have so many painkillers in me…”

 

“Is that good for the baby?” Lukas questioned, eyeing her warily.

 

“…is me squeezing your hand during the delivery without painkillers good for you?”

 

“…touché.” He nodded timidly and the Dane smiled, yawning. “You’re going to be tired after this.” Jan rolled his eyes, sending him the ‘ _no shit, Sherlock_ ’ look and he closed his eyes. Lukas sent him a warning glance, and returned his attention back to the Dane. “I’m going to take some time off.”

 

She hissed uncomfortably and she glanced at the Norwegian, biting her lip. “Can you get Yao, please? Jan… now…” she breathed and squeezed his hand, causing him to groan. Jan slid off the sofa, a worried look crossing his face before he left the room and began to call down the hall.

 

She adjusted herself and tried to scream, but shrieked in displeasure. “Lukas… please… do not… leave me…”

 

“I’m right here,” he assured her, cupping her cheek and kissing her on the lips. “I’m going to stay here with you and Klara and we’re going to be a family very shortly. And then we’re going to plan the wedding and get married.”

 

“If this sucks,” Mathilde growled, yanking his collar and glaring at him. “And you ever get me pregnant again I will _murder_ you, Lukas! Do you _fucking_ hear me?” He gulped, nodding and prying her fingers from his shirt. The door opened and the Chinese male entered. A team of nurses stood behind him and he asked how she was feeling.

 

After measuring, he nodded. “Alright, Mathilde, we’re going to start pushing. Those painkillers will wear off if we don’t start doing it now, but it’s still going to hurt.”

 

She glowered at her boyfriend. “I hate you so much.”

 

“Most women don’t say that until during the childbirth.”

 

“I hate you,” she ignored Yao’s joke. “So _fucking_ much!”

 

The nurses surrounded Dr. Wang and he spoke quietly. After discussing some things with the Dane and the Norwegian, the Chinese male then informed it was time to start pushing. She groaned as another wave of contractions hit her.

 

“Okay, honey,” a nurse whispered, taking her other hand. “I need you to take a big breath…” Mathilde obeyed. “And hold it and push. Okay, I’m going to count…” Her sweet voice counted off and when she stopped, Mathilde exhaled, panting heavily. “Okay, again…”

 

The process repeated until Yao smiled. “I can see her head.”

 

“Has she crowned?” a nurse asked. Yao shook his head and Mathilde groaned. “One more push and she will be crowning, Miss Densen.”

 

Eventually, she began to feel woozy. “I’m getting dizzy…” she mumbled after Yao informed them the baby was crowning and the hard part would be over soon. She began to shake and Lukas bit his lip.

 

“Hold on, Miss Densen. We’re almost there…”

 

She gave a few more pushes before something drew her out of her haze. A loud shriek, and the nurses gushing. “Look at her! She’s got those beautiful curls already!”

 

Mathilde’s blurred vision scanned the room and in a little cart was a small thing. Except she knew this wasn’t a _thing_. It was her daughter. Suddenly, the fear and pain she had for months prior to this melted away and she felt something rush over her.

 

“My baby…”

 

She closed her eyes and sighed, drifting off to sleep.

 

*** * ***

She woke up when she heard a loud cry. “Someone’s hungry,” a soft voice said. She looked over at the sofa, watching the platinum blond cuddle the swaddled child in his arms.

 

“I can feed her,” she whispered, holding out her arms. Lukas almost jumped, but realized who was speaking. “How are you doing?” she asked, watching him stand up and walk over, gently passing the baby to the Dane.

 

“I’m fine, what about you?”

 

She shrugged and he kissed her forehead. “A little rough and tired, but that’s expected.”

 

“She was seven inches, twenty-two ounces.” He helped her undo the gown so she could let the baby access her chest. While Mathilde had discussed breastfeeding with various mothers, she was still unsure about it. Yet, she decided it’d be best for Klara and held her to her bosom, listening as she began to suckle.

 

Sighing in relief, she looked up at him. “Jan and Anya were the only ones who stopped by. Jan left right away after getting to hold her. I had to pry Klara out of Anya’s arms.”

 

“You let Jan hold her?” she chuckled, in slight disbelief. “Okay, where is Lukas?” He rolled his eyes, kissing her hair and nuzzling it. “She was healthy?”

 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Healthiest and prettiest baby I’ve ever seen. She has those curls and her eyes are just bright blue, you know?”

 

“Mostly all babies eyes are blue,” she stated, examining her daughter. “However, whether or not she’ll have your eyes are up for debate. She looks too much like you already. She even has your father’s curls.”

 

“You had curly hair,” Lukas reminded her.

 

“Your father had better curls than me. I just had a wild mess of waves.”

 

Lukas chuckled darkly. “We’ll be home tomorrow night, and I know Tino is stopping by. Also, Emil called and said he’d be at the house. Kiet is coming in during lunch break, says he’ll bring you some actual food.”

 

She smiled, humming in delight. “I think I’m going to like being a mother.”

 

He paused, gnawing his chapped lips. “I hope I can be a great father for her.”

 

“Klara will love you… even if one day you’ll be her teacher and you fail her because her work isn’t up to standards.”

 

They both laughed at this, and returned to silence. Lukas stood there, resting his head on top of hers, and Mathilde nursed little Klara until she was content and fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we end on a sweet note. Yay.


	16. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lukas and Mathilde's life take another change, and this time they're going to face it head on - together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lien Nguyen is Vietnam. I went back and changed her name in that one chapter too. This also contains spoilers for WICME, I guess, but oh well.

** The Silence Is Loud **   
_New Beginnings_

 

The young girl sat on the chair, swinging her legs back and forth, enjoying a juice box as she watched the women flutter around her mother. “That dress is perfect!” a blonde Swede said, and the young girl with dirty blonde hair, tied up into two, curly pigtails looked over at the boy next to her.

 

 _Hungry?_ She cupped her hand and brought it up to the top of her chest, bringing it down and saying the word as the wheat blond haired boy nodded, indigo eyes wide. “Auntie Gitta!”

 

“I don’t like the skirt,” a Dane mumbled, frowning. “I want a mermaid dress, but for some reason all I want to do is sit around and eat, so my figure is…”

 

“Well, maybe you’re on your period.”

 

“Auntie Gitta!”

 

“Klara, don’t yell,” Mathilde scolded, placing a hand on her hip. “Just because Erik can’t hear you doesn’t mean you need to scream.” Lien reached around and began to unlace the corset. “Now, please tell Gitta what’s wrong.”

 

“Erik’s hungry.”

 

Birgitta hummed, walking over and picking him up. “I’m going to go feed him, alright?” Mathilde nodded, and turned to the Vietnamese female, taking a shaky step. The Swedish woman grabbed her bag and was just about to leave when she heard a loud thud.

 

“Mommy?” Klara shouted, sliding off the chair and yanking on the large, white skirt of the dress. “Mommy!” she buried her face into the puffy, lacy fabric and Birgitta grabbed her, watching as Lien knelt down and shook her.

 

“Mathilde!” Lien shouted. “Dammit, Mathilde…”

 

Klara was led out of the room by her aunt, still sobbing.

 

*** * ***

 

“How was dress shopping?” Lukas asked, yawning as he took a seat on the floor next to their daughter, who was bouncing up and down as she watched a colorful movie of some sorts on their television. “Mathilde?”

 

“Lukas, we need to talk.”

 

She sat up and walked out of the living room. “Daddy will be right back sweetie.” His daughter didn’t even flinch as he stood back up and followed her into their bedroom. “What’s wrong?” She bit her lip, and looked down at the floor. “Mathilde, you’re starting to scare me.”

 

She sighed, and sat down on the bed. “Lukas, I’m pregnant.”

 

He raised an eyebrow. “When… when did you find out?”

 

She looked up at him, her blue eyes worried. “Today. I passed out during dress shopping, so Lien took me to Kiet. Kiet asked Yao to come in and he did an ultrasound… I’m already nine weeks in.”

 

He bit his lip, shoving his hands in his pockets and shaking. “Okay…” he mumbled, unsure of what else to say. “You mean you didn’t notice you had missed your period?”

 

“It was all messed up since I went back on the pill and there had been some blood, but…” she clenched the bed sheets, knuckles turning white. “Lukas, there’s also something _else_ important about this…” He inhaled, closing his eyes.

 

“Well, Klara’s good with other children. Sure, it’s been just her, but sharing her attention with another kid won’t be too big of a change…”

 

“That’s the thing,” she whispered. “We’d have to split our attention three ways.”

 

“… _what_?” he hissed.

 

“I’m pregnant with twins,” she whispered. “My dad was a twin, his parents were both twins. My mom has two younger siblings who are twins, her mother was a twin… it’s genetic. I didn’t even bother to look into my family history.”

 

“You were on the pill! We used condoms!”

 

“We used condoms the first year of Klara’s life.” She frowned. “I probably conceived around Christmas or New Year’s.”

 

“So, you’re two months along. It’s March, what do you plan to do? The wedding’s in August.”

 

She stood up, shaking her head. “I don’t know anymore, Lukas. I don’t know. I just want to get everything done and over with. I had a hard enough time supporting Klara, how am I going to support two kids?”

 

“With Klara you were sick and never ate,” he noted. “You’ve been eating an awful lot and you haven’t been sick. That’s a good start.”

 

“Do you want more kids?” she questioned. “I mean… Klara’s a handful… and then we have a wedding to prepare for and work to complete and everything…” He pulled her up and kissed her forehead.

 

“Carrying twins is high risk,” he started, wrapping his arms around her waist and placing a small kiss onto her lips. “You have to promise you won’t freak out when I get concerned like you did when you were pregnant with Klara.”

 

She flashed him a timid smile before going up on her toes and giving him another peck. “And promise you won’t freak out and leave me?”

 

He pressed their foreheads together, his thumbs slowly circling her hip bones. “Until death do we part, Mathilde.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. I'm going on vacation and won't be back for three days, so I had to update something. However, I'm going to start plotting the sequel to this while I'm gone, so maybe you'll have something to look forward to when I get back?


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